Blog of Joshua

Prayer for a Friend

2012-02-15T15:25:00.001-06:00

Oh Lord, I pray for my dear friend
Who runs and kicks and hides
I want to see in freedom live
And not in Satan’s lies.

It hurts to see this friend of mine
With unacknowledged pain.
I have been there, know what it’s like
With things that were the same.

What wounds exist that cause the heart
To build walls large and strong?
Which causes none to penetrate
So nothing will go wrong.

I pray that you, dear Son of God
Would come and set one free
That you would open friend’s eyes wide
So that the heart might see.

What pain is there, what hurt from past
What things are there before?
What unresolved and unaware
Prevent an open door?

Lord I pray for healing and
For light to shine in face
That sight be giv’n, and heart made whole
As you pour out your grace.

Oh Lord I know, in my own life
The lies that I’ve believed.
Impacted they to partial life
The state that I did lead.

Your heart is large, your arms are wide
And you do not condemn.
Anyone can come to the cross
Which frees from any sin.

I long to see this friend of mine
Live freely through what’s true.
I pray that you will bring to friend
A heart and mind made new.

Also dear Lord protect my heart
From being too involved
Let me just pray, support and love
And trust you’ll catch a fall.

Les Mis and Grace

2011-12-24T00:57:00.001-06:00

Last night I saw my favorite musical, Les Miserables, in Dallas. It is one of the best pictures of the difference between law and grace. This is an area I struggle with, especially leaning towards the law side, and missing or not realizing the presence of grace.

The contrast is most powerful as you see the two lead characters, Jean Valjean and Javert, come to face with a kind of grace that neither understands. For Valjean, grace is given when he steals the silver of a bishop, who not only forgives him, but gives Valjean the rest of his silver. Javert is astonished when Valjean lets him go instead of killing him, when Javert has hunted Valjean his entire life. Both are forced to “do” something with this grace. Each makes a different choice, but both with a death.

For Valjean, he realizes that his previous life must end – he can no longer live as he has: angry, defensive, thinking the world is only out to get him. How difficult, after being in prison for almost 20 years, for stealing a loaf of bread. And thus Valjean surrenders to the grace and becomes a changed man. Bound and ruined by the law, he is freed and transformed by grace.

For Javert, he has lived his entire life within the rules, following the letter of the law. He has no room for grace, no room to allow Valjean to go free, even when Valjean did not kill him when he had opportunity. He cannot continue to live as he has – legalistic, exacting, and unbending. But unfortunately, Javert is unable to embrace grace and instead kills himself.

What is the difference between the two? Why was Valjean able to accept grace but Javert was not? I think it is because one understood his real state and the other did not. Valjean was a criminal and therefore grace was his only option for freedom. Javert, on the other hand, lived a “perfect” law-abiding life and therefore had no need for grace. Freedom for Valjean was through grace. Freedom for Javert was through obedience to the law. In the end, who was free?

Galatians 5:1 says that “it was for freedom that Christ set us free." Christ set us free from the law, purchasing our freedom through his death, and offering it freely to us through grace. As you celebrate this Christmas season, remember that it is through Him that you and I are able to truly live freely. Merry Christmas!

I also blogged about these same scenes in Les Mis here.

Understanding your way

2011-11-14T09:20:00.002-06:00

Proverbs 14:8 says: The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit. This struck me as emphasizing the value of knowing one's self. Understanding one's way is knowing the why behind one's actions. Given the context of the first part of this verse, perhaps the second part is suggesting that the opposite (foolish) is to continue to lie to one's self. Not knowing one's self is folly. Not spending the time to understand one's way forces one to lie both to the self and to others. While that understanding takes great time and energy, it is incredibly freeing.

Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T08:49:00.001-06:00

In light of his passing away yesterday, it is well worth reading what he said about living:

http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

The love of Christ, Harry Potter, and Addison Road

2011-09-29T08:14:00.003-06:00

This morning I was meditating on the love of Christ and read in Ephesians 3:14-19:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

The love of Christ is to provide the base for everything I do. Rooted and grounded are words that indicate roots, foundation, depth, and certainty. I remember reading that the measurement words here are also used in astronomy, so the picture Paul writes here is one of the solar system, universe, the sheer immensity of the love of Christ. The foundation has no end to it!

Not only does Christ’s love provide a foundation, but it also gives me a covering. If you remember the story of Harry Potter and how his mother died trying to save him when Voldemort came to kill him, the killing curse that Voldemort cast at Harry rebounded back onto Voldemort. The death of Harry’s mother cast a shield of protection around him – it was her love, and thus her death, that protected Harry from the killing (remember it was one of the unstoppable) curse. In the same way, Christ’s death covers me from the curse of death and I am saved because of His love. Death kills itself because Christ stands between me and death, having died once and for all out of His love. The love of Christ is a covering.

And one more – the love of Christ provides me with the ability to be authentic. One of my favorite songs by Addison Road expresses this much better than I can (my emphasis):

Who I Am In You by Addison Road

Secrets they were killing me
Pulled me under in too deep
All those shadows they don't let go
Easily

But everything I covered up
Is opening inside Your love
Let Your grace illuminate
The heart in me

Oh, You're bringing me to life
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am in You
Oh, You're changing me inside
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am in You

Breath Your breath into my soul
Let my heart beat with Your own
I need Your mercy
Even when it hurts
Please shine on me
Shine on me

Oh, You're bringing me to life
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am in You
Oh, You're changing me inside
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am

If there's anything I try to hide
I pray that You will bring it to the light
Strip away the lies that I pretend
Teach me how to be a child again

Resting in Your arms
Resting in Your arms
And I could feel Your love changing me

Oh, You're bringing me to life
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am in You
Oh, I've finally realized
That I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am
In You
Who I am in You
Who I am in You

This is an amazing song, but more than that, it reflects an amazing truth. His gentle love strips the lies and facades built to protect my real self and provides me with the freedom to actually be the real me.

There is so much more that the love of Christ provides, but this morning, this is what He has impressed upon me. I hope you find it encouraging as well.

Government Default Hysteria

2011-07-21T17:20:00.001-06:00

There is a lot of fuss these days about the chaos and breakdown to society should those on Capitol Hill fail to pass a bill allowing the government to continue borrowing money. One of the statements that keeps getting made is that the Federal government would "default" on its debt and that would be the worst possible thing. Most of this is just hype, emotions, and nonsense.

The Federal government is spending around $3.8 trillion annually, with interest on the debt just over $400 billion annually. We are running about a $1.4-1.6 trillion deficit and thus "need" to borrow that amount to continue spending at present levels.

Can I point out a couple of obvious things? First, a default on debt is only a default if you stop making payments! With the numbers above, we can still make payments, we just can't continue spending at our present levels. Second, nothing is going to crash and burn. The markets aren't going to fail. Again, all this talk of 'default' is just emotion and crying wolf. I think the leadership in Washington is afraid that if they didn't get the debt limit increased, and nothing happened, it would provide more evidence that we actually don't need the government to spend our future away!

As for the talk of compromise, a $2-4 trillion deal is nonsense. Spread out over 10 years, that comes to $200-400 billion per year. We are running $1,500 billion per year over budget. $200 billion is a waste of our time and energy. When they start talking about $10 trillion over 10 years in savings with a balanced-budget amendment, then we might have something! Until the, the man behind the curtain is blowing smoke to cover his butt. Does the leadership in Washington have the guts for this? Alas, no. But let's not fool ourselves into thinking anything is being solved, nor be fooled into thinking any disaster will strike were they not to do something. Perhaps the best that could happen is for them to do nothing. Now wouldn't that be something.

2010 Reading List

2010-12-31T18:00:00.002-06:00

So here was my reading list for 2010 - of the list below, if you want a couple of must-reads, I'd recommend Inside Out for spiritual development and New Deal or Raw Deal for history/politics.

A Culture of Fear by Barry Glassner
American Assassin by Vince Flynn
Breach of Trust by DiAnn Mills
Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders by Willard Harley
Capitol Offense by William Bernhardt
Courage and Consequence by Karl Rove
Damned Lies and Statistics by Joel Best
Federalist Papers* by Madison, Hamilton, Jay
Guardian of Lies by Steve Martini
Inside Out by Larry Crabb
Liberty and Tyranny by Mark Levin
Life of the Beloved by Nouwen
New Deal or Raw Deal by Burton Folsom
On Liberty* by John Stuart Mill
Percy Jackson, Lightening Thief (Book 1) by Rick Riordan
Pride and Prejudice* by Jane Austen
Pursuit of Honor by Vince Flynn
Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
The Apostle by Brad Thor
The Black Swan by Nassim Taleb
The Brother's Karamazov* by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Communist Manifesto* by Karl Marx
The Definitive Book of Body Language by Pease
The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine
The New Road to Serfdom by Daniel Hannan
The Next 100 Years by George Friedman
The Relationship Cure by John Gottman
The Republic* by Plato
Notes from the Tilt a Whirl by N.D. Wilson
Two Treatises of Government* by John Locke
War and Peace* by Leo Tolstoy

*Available free online through Google books, Amazon, or other sources.

Another Poem

2010-12-06T23:35:00.001-06:00

My Father is so patient
So gentle and so kind
I am always loved by Him
He has me on His mind

He sent His Son to die for me
That through His death my sin
Is borne upon the cross and paid
So my life He might mend

By faith I’m saved in Jesus Christ
His power set me free
His resurrection life and love
Gives hope eternally

The death He died He died to sin
And so like Him I do
My flesh is crucified with Him
My heart and mind made new

With grateful heart and happy voice
I praise His holy name
Blessing, glory, honor, and power
That He remains the same

Oh wondrous love, oh great divine
That you my God would save
A wretch like me, a sinner bound
Your name I lift and praise

Today is new and with it comes
Temptations, flesh, and sin
In Christ my mind must be renewed
He says Abide in Him.

No longer law, no longer rule
No longer legal bound
But in relationship with Christ
Is where I am now found.

The Prodigal Son

2010-11-28T02:07:00.001-06:00

Father, give my money to me
Inheritance as son to thee
For I can’t wait until you die
To distant lands with cash I fly.

Rebellious friends, enchanted foes
Exciting place, this land impose
What time have I with all of these
In carefree life, with total ease.

How dull, dreary, was life before
At home with Father, what a bore
My nights now late, my days so long
With each new day brings heightened throng.

The money flows, the friends crowd round
So popular, I’m to be found
Bartender give new friend a drink
Come join, this band, comp’ny I keep.

What’s this you say, my bank o’er drawn?
How can this be? My money gone!
Oh friends, may I borrow from thee
To pay the bar, my tab you see?

No cash to spare, have you for me
Where do all go, now friendless be
Outside I sit, where once I tread
And now next meal, I look in dread.

Farmer, oh help, or starve will I
I need a job, your pigs look dry.
Feed, water, care and in exchange
For bread and drink, to keep my name.

Now here I sit, in muddy ground
Filthy, covered, in pig slop mound
Only to eat, what’s left for swine
When formerly I used to dine.

At Father’s house, the slaves do eat
Better than I, this place my seat
Return will I, to beg for grace
Not as a son, but slave in place.

Far up ahead, my home I see
This speck now grows, what memories
Exhausted, sore, and hungry kept
My heart, in hope as quick I step.

Surprise the door flung open wide
Father, in tears, runs to my side
Embrace, my filthy body, he
New clothes, a ring, he puts on me.

Alas my son was lost but found
Prepare the calf, go trumpet sound
Rejoice alive and son shall be
Restored with love and grace is he.

Healing Issues, Part 2

2010-11-24T15:43:00.002-06:00

In the previous post, I used the terms vertical and horizontal to separate two parts of the healing process that I wanted to discuss. I think better terms for the distinction would be two dimensions and three dimensions. The previous post was on what I said was horizontal, or better said, two dimensions, and in this one, I want to discuss the vertical, or a better term for it, three dimensions.

Think of a tear on a page. One can repair the page and the page is ready for use (the repair would still be evident). Likewise, it was previously stated that healing from different wounds that the heart takes allows us to live from more of our hearts, instead of avoiding or walling off certain areas.

Think of a book now. When one takes a knife and stabs a book, more than one page has been damaged, ripped, and torn. Likewise, with the heart, wounds don’t just affect one area or “page” in the heart. These wounds affect a great many areas. Perhaps our senses of identity, self, worth, love, belonging, independence, and others. Now our heart illustration looks something like this:

I want to comment on a couple of implications from the book/page illustration.

Healing from a deep wound is not a simple or one-time process.
Healing in the different areas of the heart will require different ‘fixes’.

Just as more than one page of a book needs repair, so too more than one area of the heart needs healing. However, unlike a book, where we can turn all the pages and see the damage to each page, the heart is much more complex and we are not able to see the impact all at once. We must be living in those areas in order for the impact to be evident. Take for example how much more “stuff” comes up when one is in a deeply committed relationship versus being single and unattached. It is because we are engaging more areas of the heart and some of those areas will have been damaged by wounds. What we thought we had “dealt with” is back; but it isn’t back because our healing previously was insufficient; it is because a multi-layered heart has multi-layered wounds. Healing is not simple because we are damaged in more than one area, and it is not one-time because we do not live from all areas at all times. Many times the areas of the heart that are damaged most are the ones used only when one is in a certain situation. Again, relationships are a great example. Sometimes the damage taken in a previous relationship may not come to the surface until the next one.

I cannot emphasize the importance of this truth in the healing process. We exclaim in frustration, “But I’ve already dealt with this!” and we move on and fail to understand the reality of that we are wounded in many layers and maybe this is a new layer we weren’t aware was damaged until now. You’ve found another damaged page! Don’t set an expectation on yourself that just because you’ve dealt with it now that there won’t be others areas where it might come up. The impact of a wound is impossible to fully understand and know because hearts are not visible, tangible items.

Different types of pages in a book will need to be repaired in different ways. Photo pages, text pages, pages with impressions, popup pages—each of these will require different repair techniques. Likewise, we will find that different areas of the heart need different healing steps and time needs. How I went about healing in one area may not work in another. The amount of time it takes in one area may not be the same time as another. It is important to give oneself understanding and flexibility as one walks through the healing processes that apply to the different areas of the heart.

It might feel discouraging to realize that wounds are not simple or easily fixable. Yet how much more is experienced by a three dimensional object versus a two? The pains are greater, but the joys even more so. Give yourself time, flexibility, and understanding in your healing process. Recognize that it is worth it, it will take time, probably come up more than once for a specific wound, and need different healing steps.

Healing Issues

2010-11-15T20:50:00.002-06:00

This is a two-part topic on some implications on healing decisions that one will face in life. In this first part, I want to cover part of how the heart is impacted by different approaches we take after we experience deep pain in our lives, and in the second part, I’ll address the iterative cycle of healing. This first part deals more with a horizontal view of healing; the second will deal with more of a vertical view of it.

There are a few ways we can face significant emotional pain when it occurs in life. We can:

Leave it alone (ignore it)
Run away from it (avoid it)
Walk through it (face it)

A wounded heart might be shown as follows:

Here is a visual of what the heart might look like long-term when wounds are ignored:

The main problem with ignoring wounds is that they remain and still have an effect on the life. The saying that “time heals all wounds” is flawed—time is a component in healing, but it takes much more than simply time. When one ignores wounds in the heart, one lives with a heart that is still very painful in places and thus it is difficult to live whole-hearted. Those places shown above in red are places one would be very careful about stepping on, because they would elicit very painful reactions as they are unhealed. Not only that, but such unhealed wounds can grow, and become much worse.

Here is what a wounded heart of an avoidant might look like:

One big issue with avoiding wounds is that we create regions in the heart that are “off limits”. You can’t go there, and neither can anyone else. The problem is that the more wounds one takes, the smaller the heart is that is free to love and to live. When we wall off regions of our hearts due to pain, we then live even more a partial-hearted life and can never experience freedom and life as I think is intended by God.

Here is what a heart that faces wounds and walks through them into healing might look like:

The scars a wound leaves will always remain, but unhealed throbbing that we tend to ignore or run from is no longer present. We are better able to live whole-hearted—damaged, but still with the whole heart. The scars might be tender, some wounds less healed than others, some larger than others, all still having some affect in our lives. But the active pain, the “electric fence” that is erected due to avoiding pain is no longer present, as we courageously walk into and walk through those painful places and experience healing.

What I want to emphasize in all of this is that while it is painful to walk into healing and to feel the effects of wounds, it is worth it in the long run. We are able to live whole-heartedly, instead of walling places of our heart off that are “off limits”, or avoiding painful places, or being caught off guard because untouched wounds still remain. It enables us to minister from the place of woundedness, as we have walked through the pain and healing of that pain, and thus can better empathize with others in their pain and wounds. And we can live in greater freedom, not in bondage to wounds, but with the awareness of their impact, the thankfulness for their healing, and the maturity from the wisdom learned.

Looks like Love - Lyrics

2010-10-04T15:48:00.001-06:00

This is one of my favorite songs by Need to Breathe -- the lyrics are so true (my emphasis).

Looks Like Love - by Need to Breathe

Take another step
Don't give up on me just yet
We could take a chance
We could find a child's romance
At least we'd love until we can't

I wont run when it looks like love
I won't hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone

I wont run when it looks like love
I can't spend another night alone
Regretting what I've done
So, I won't run

The breeze can only be
When she overcomes the heat
Our hearts can only shake
When there's risk that they could break
Yeah it's a chance that I will take

Raise your head
Its time to say
Those words that I have left unsaid
I've slept through the sunrise
And I turned
Away every time it got bright

St. Augustine Quote

2010-09-30T13:43:00.001-06:00

I came across the following quote by St. Augustine:

"In matters that are so obscure and far beyond our vision, we find in Holy Scripture passages which can be interpreted in very different ways without prejudice to the faith we have received. In such cases, we should not rush in headlong and so firmly take our stand on one side that, if further progress in the search for truth justly undermines this position, we too fall with it."

This quote is fantastic! He said in a short sentence what I was trying to say back in 2006. We need to be careful how firmly we hold positions that are tentative at best. Where is our faith? Who is our faith in? Are the issues we are focusing on those that actually matter to Christ?

Mountain of God Song

2010-09-28T20:04:00.001-06:00

I heard this song by Third Day when I was working in the garage on Sunday... the lyrics really hit me (my emphasis):

"Mountain Of God"

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me

"Cool" Groups/People and Christ

2010-09-15T17:18:00.003-06:00

One thing that I've observed over the years and more recently came back up in a much more tangible way is the social expectations that are placed on people sometimes to be accepted into a group. Some of these groups are peopled with those who consider themselves "cool" and have certain standards (unwritten and unspoken, of course) that make up part of the group. It is, unfortunately, very high-schoolish and reminds me of the cliques that we were supposed to grow out of when we became adults. C.S. Lewis writes an excellent essay called The Inner Ring, which I would encourage you to read in full, but quoted in part here:

I believe that in all men's lives at certain periods, and in many men's lives at all periods between infancy and extreme old age, one of the most dominant elements is the desire to be inside the local Ring and the terror of being left outside... I mean, in the form of snobbery. Victorian fiction is full of characters who are hag-ridden by the desire to get inside that particular Ring which is, or was, called Society. But it must be clearly understood that "Society," in that sense of the word, is merely one of a hundred Rings, and snobbery therefore only one form of the longing to be inside.

The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it.

I want to simply state that behavior or attitudes within a group that makes them feel superior, better than others, or more socially poised or acceptable, is wrong and is un-Christlike. Please consider just a few things Christ did in His time that wasn't considered "acceptable" or "socially cool" by His culture:

Eating with a tax collector
Making disciples of tax collectors
Talking with a Samaritan woman
Washing his disciple's feet.
Touching women (for healing)
Allowing a woman anoint his feet with perfume and wipe them off with her tears
Calling attention to children, saying we need to be like them
Eating with "sinners".
Hanging naked on the cross ("cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree"), cursed and rejected by God and man.
Healing people on the Sabbath.
Touching lepers.

If we look to Christ for an example of what our behavior should be like, what we will see is that He is more about loving people than he is about meeting some social, cultural, or religious standard of what is acceptable behavior or practice. He is about people more than practice and relationship more than rules. Christ went after the religious leaders of the day who were so obsessed with following culturally acceptable standards of behavior and the letter of the law that they completely missed the living God in the flesh when He came down and stood before them.

Jewish men in Jesus' time used to pray: "I thank you God that I am not a Gentile, a slave or a woman." Yet Paul writes that "in Christ Jesus there is no Jew or Gentile, there is no slave or free man, there is no male or female." (Gal. 3:28) Christ came to destroy social norms, to wipe away barriers, to make it possible for anyone, of any race, color, creed, gender, social or anti-social, shy or outgoing, "weird" or "normal", cheesy or cool, to come to Him, to be accepted by Him, to be loved by Him, and to be in His family and called His child.

Paul tells us that Peter made the same mistake, in Galatians 2, when he fell for the "cool group" and started distancing himself from certain groups of people:

When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong. Before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group. The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray. When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter in front of them all, "You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs? ... [A] man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. (Gal. 2:11-16)

Peter stopped eating with a certain group of people because another group of people didn't approve, didn't think it was "cool" or "acceptable" and he fell in the trap of the group mentality. Paul called him out on it, in front of everyone, and strongly rebuked him for going against the gospel. Christ doesn't care, and neither should you or I!

Is our behavior in any of these "cool" groups one that reflects who we are authentically and genuinely? Paul called himself the "chief of sinners", Peter denied Christ three times, the writers of the New Testament (and for that matter, Old) presented themselves as broken, forgiven, followers of Jesus Christ. What are we doing trying to appear "cool" and "together", when in truth we are just as broken as anyone else? How will one who is a non-believer come to Christ if he sees Christians acting the same way as non-Christians -- having cliques, "cool-kids groups", and looking down on other people?

How do you know if you're in a group like this? Do you find yourself being different in the group versus in private? Do you find yourself looking with disapproval at others who do things that you don't find acceptable in the group? Is your behavior extreme in its perfection or presentation? Do you find that the group size rarely changes and in fact stays relatively the same -- not a lot of new people remain? Have you received feedback from a person or people that has indicated that a group you are a part of is this way? Do you label or look down at other people outside the group ("they aren't as cool...")? There is no excuse here -- when you or I act and think in this way, when we live to please others, when we set ourselves as standards, we are wrong. Period.

I want to close with what Paul writes in Romans 14:4:

Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

Who are you or I, indeed?!

Respect in Relationships

2010-09-07T21:54:00.002-06:00

Respect is such a critical component in a relationship and in fact is one of the foundational components. James Dobson says that respect precedes love and I believe that he is right (and more recently forgot this truth). An important part of respect is not only being a person who is respectable but also showing respect for yourself. I was talking with David tonight about this and was reading through a couple of personal journal entries from almost two months ago and discovered a mistake I made that I feel like had some negative consequences on the relationship I was in that most recently ended. I had written about a conversation that was had with her in which I foolishly told her that I didn't feel like I deserved her, that I felt like she was above me, that I thought that she was way out of my league. I wince with embarrassment just going back over what I said because it is so ridiculous and silly. But more importantly, I think it damaged some of the respect in the relationship - it displayed a partial lack of respect for myself and came across as "groveling". What is very sad is that up until that point, things were going very well for us. But barely three days later, we had our first big "oh no" conversation where she started sharing doubts about things she was having trouble accepting in me - some that were natural expressions of the core of who I am. I wonder if when I came across as putting her on a higher 'plane' than I that it gave more power in the relationship to her and there started to be an imbalance of respect. And instead of respecting myself and staying true to who I was in some of these areas, I was more willing to look at myself, make changes, and modify behavior in order to satisfy her doubts. Was my 'grovel session' simply a catalyst that opened the door to existing doubts being shared that had already been present well before it? Alas, this plays the 'what if' game which is kind of silly. However, I feel like I've learned a couple of valuable lessons in this: respect is crucial in relationship - not only for the other person, but also for oneself; and there isn't anyone who I don't deserve or who is 'out of my league'.

A work chapter closes

2010-09-03T12:45:00.001-06:00

So today is my last day at a company I have been at for just over 4 years. I look back over the time here and consider myself so blessed and fortunate to have worked with such great people. I have thoroughly enjoyed the work that I've done -- I am so privileged to have been able to do and work in what I love. I am a computer nerd at heart and I love to solve problems, to work with the business in understanding their needs, and to address and solve those needs with the appropriate use of technology and software solutions. I feel really sad about leaving, although I am excited about the new work opportunity that starts next week. I've had great bosses, great co-workers, and the flexibility to create great technical solutions.

The job transition has not been easy. I didn't expect that I would be changing jobs and going through a break-up at the same time. The last couple of weeks have been a torrent of emotions. The prayers and support of friends have been so invaluable and priceless that words are insufficient to express my gratitude to them. I feel some nerves about leaving the familiar of the current job and going to the unfamiliar and the new. It is really tough when both the work and personal life are in a state of change and turmoil, respectively. I've been doing a lot of praying and leaning on friends lately and will be doing more of that as I start the new job. I felt like at least having the familiar old job the last two weeks has helped a little with some of the break-up emotions and now the familiar has come to an end. Nothing like a chance to really grow and stretch even more, way more than I expected when I accepted the new job.

I feel such a mix of emotions as this work chapter closes and a new one starts next week. Sadness, anticipation, nervousness, excitement, worry, and trust. It's been a good 4 years!

Turning 30

2010-08-30T15:07:00.002-06:00

How do I feel about turning 30?

I think back to when I was turning 20 and how many plans I had made for my life then. I thought I had things figured out -- when I was getting married, how long to be married before having kids, what I would do for work, where I would work, where I would travel too and the friends I would keep and stay in close touch with, and on the list could go. I thought I knew myself and the world pretty well and was very firm and dogmatic in my beliefs, opinions, and attitudes. None of my plans have come to pass as I thought they would and some of the things I thought I had to have by a certain time didn't happen. And praise God for His grace in protecting me from my immaturity and my plans! His plans have been so much better!

I sit back and look at where God has me now in life and there are several things that are so refreshing. After seeing my plans fail or change, I usually don't make tightly-held ones. Solomon says in Proverbs 16:9 that "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Lesson 1 from the last 10 years: hold onto your plans loosely. Be flexible.

My natural tendency to be extremely black and white, dogmatic, and inflexible has been significantly broken. There is still a ton of work that is needed in this area, but it is so refreshing to have the freedom to admit and accept doubt, to ask hard questions to which there may not be answers (at least right now), and consider other points of view. Rather than growing more certain about more things, I've grown less certain about many things, don't care as much about others (as I've seen they don't really matter), and on fewer things, I am more certain. Lesson 2: Be willing to embrace doubt and questions and uncertainty.

Another tendency I have is to give into fear and this has been a blockade in my life. Many times fear can influence desires, to the point that desires are modified or denied because at the root there is fear, not because "it just is who I am." I could spend an entire book on this point, but the lesson might be lost. Lesson 3: face fears, embrace desires, and pursue life.

I've also learned that life contains a lot of pain and disappointment and that it is important to mourn and hurt when that pain comes, instead of trying to bottle it up or pretend that it isn't there. Too often I've tried to dismiss situations that have been really sad, or give myself only a certain amount of time to get past something, instead of allowing my emotions to flow and let healing take place naturally. Christ is with us in all of our pain, not only the experience of it, but also the feeling of it. Lesson 4: Acknowledge and feel pain and invite Christ into it.

As I learn more about who I am, it is refreshing to be who I am. Not what other people want me to be, but to be me (I posted a poem last week about this). I still have a lot of work in this area, as depending on the person and situation I adjust my behavior or worry about how I might be perceived. Some of this is good: one certainly ought to be much more polite and cautious in what one says in the midst of a very formal group at dinner versus surrounded by best friends at home over a beer. It is rather challenging to determine the difference in being oneself versus being respectful to others. I think it goes back to what Paul talks about in Romans regarding not causing a brother or sister to stumble. And the line is certainly not fixed! Lesson 5: be yourself.

And finally, I've learned that growth never stops. Ever. You may be growing in a positive or negative direction, but you are growing. Even being stationary is growing -- perhaps in laziness. Pursue excellence and growth; there are so many resources over the years that God has used to change me. I used to think the answers were only found in the Bible -- now I see that truth is everywhere and should be evaluated in light of the Bible. The goal for growth is not growth: it is to be Christ-like. In reading self-improvement books on improving listening skills or on releasing a habits of perfectionism, one can use the resources available today to grow and stretch and become like Christ. That's the greatness of God -- He uses anything and everything if we let Him and make ourselves available to Him. Lesson 6: Pursue Christ-likeness with passion and an openness to change.

Unforgiving Servant

2010-08-28T15:31:00.002-06:00

A man who is so deep in debt,
The notes his master still has kept
What man does owe cannot be paid
It is his fault, a mess he's made.

The master calls, the note is due,
Summon the man, all he has too.
The time is up, it's time to pay,
The note came due, on this today.

The man he comes before the throne,
Falls on his knees, he cries and moans.
I cannot pay, please spare my life,
My children too and also wife.

The master sees the man before,
Fallen prostrate on marble floor.
Compassion feels and full of grace,
He steps forward and lifts mans face.

Cancel the debt, this what I'll do,
I'll set you free, your life made new.
You go and live, now free and well,
Show grace to all, your life must tell.

The man does leave, with happy heart,
He feels he has a brand new start.
And bumps into one who owes him,
A small amount, tiny and thin.

Pay what you owe, now I demand!
The other falls on dusty sand.
I cannot pay, please spare my life,
My children too, and also wife.

The man has him thrown into jail,
No payment made, now he did rail.
The master's servants saw and went,
Back to the throne, in shock and spent.

The master rages, just how could he
Not give same grace, that he received.
Bring him again, and throw him down
He'll pay until what's owed is found.

How much like man I tend to be,
Is what this story helps me see.
Oh Christ, my heart so full of sin,
Come wash and cleanse and enter in.

Learning Relational Lessons

2010-08-26T09:58:00.002-06:00

So being in pain is really a great way to learn some great lessons. As I'm going through the hurt of a break up, this morning I felt like God showed me two areas that were eye-opening.

Respect is incredibly important in relationships. But you have to be someone who can be respected. It's hard (almost impossible) to respect a door mat. I've been realizing that my fear of losing someone at times prevents me from standing up for myself. In fact, many times I just roll over and go with it -- and how can one respect and ultimately love that? I feel like I have a pretty good knowledge of myself and who I am, but there seems to be insecurities relationally that make me more guarded and willing to put up with disrespect instead of speaking up for myself. I feel like even these are starting to be identified and brought to light.

The other thing I've discovered, closely related to the fear above, is that I tend to avoid fighting. I did not like the way my parents fought when I was a kid and so I created a story that said "fighting in a relationship is bad" and "avoid it at all costs". But to do so, you end up short-changing yourself because you aren't presenting an accurate picture of who you are -- your thoughts, your opinions, your attitudes, your beliefs. Not only that, but some fighting and disagreement is good. It adds some passion and feelings in a relationship and challenges you and grows you together. Simply agreeing with everything said or not saying anything makes things rather boring, lifeless, and dull. I'm afraid that if I argue or disagree, that it will turn out like what I saw so poorly modeled, and thus avoided it. But I don't have to be like my parents (and am already in many ways not like them); I can be me, and take the lessons I've observed and learned and discuss and disagree and even fight in a respectful way.

I am so thankful that God is opening my eyes to these things and it is wonderful to finally have light shined in some dusty and dark places!

Pain

2010-08-25T12:40:00.004-06:00

I've been having a rough time lately both in my personal and work life -- feeling a bit overwhelmed with several things that are happening at the same time. I'm in the middle of transitioning out of my current job to leave for a new company, working through some internal team conflict, going through a break up, and feeling sad and disappointed about things. I wanted to share a few lessons that I am learning yet again that might be helpful to you.

One of the big things that going through therapy taught me is not to hide, mask, or push away pain. When it comes, embrace it fully, feel it to its depth, and do what needs to be done -- cry, journal, pray, talk to people. When we try to mask our pain, or deny that it is there, all we do is hurt ourselves more deeply and push the feeling of the pain away. We can't be healed if we don't feel pain. The ache of a hurting heart, the shedding of tears, is like rain that washes away the dirt, grime, and oil. It helps the heart to really feel and hurt and acknowledge loss or difficulty. In some past hurts, I've only allowed myself to hurt to a certain extent, or length of time, or even try not to hurt at all. All I did was delay the pain to another day, when it was even more painful to feel it and heal. Kind of like a broken bone. It has to be set and put in a cast to heal. Otherwise, it doesn't actually heal and you end up crippled. To fix that, you have to break it again and set it right.

Another thing I am learning, and this from one of my roommates, is to invite Jesus into the area of pain. Not for the purpose of taking it away, but for the purpose of walking with me through the pain. This has changed my prayer life in what I pray for as I feel pain. Jesus felt the full pain of the cross, the rejection of His Father, and the weight of the sin of the world on his shoulders. He is "a man of sorrows, [well] acquainted with grief". I don't think that God always takes away our pain immediately and directly (although He can and probably does sometimes); instead He walks with us through our pain and into healing. "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me." I think this is because God is not primarily after our healing, He is after our transformation. He doesn't want us simply 'fixed', He wants us recreated and made into the image and likeness of Jesus Christ. And pain is a megaphone that God uses to change us. C.S. Lewis writes that God shouts at us in our pain. He has my attention as I hurt and ache and struggle.

I've also learned to let go in the pain and to be transformed and changed. Again, God wants to transform me, not simply to "fix" me. If I allow Him and surrender to Him in the pain, He will change my heart. It has been one of my prayers the last few days -- that I would listen, that I would learn, and that I would be changed. I don't want to run or hide or avoid it, as much as it hurts. And He is teaching me to give up my demands, to cry out to Him, and to ruthlessly trust Him. I wish I could say I've done this well or am doing it well. Thankfully He is gracious and understands my weakness. He knows my heart and knows my desires.

I'm also learning to see self-protective habits and patterns that have been created, "wells" that I have dug for water, when Jesus is the source of living water. Larry Crabb in his book Inside Out talks a lot about this and our table group at church has been going through this book. I didn't think I'd get to really deeply apply some of what he suggested so soon, but it seems God had others plans for me! I run to these wells, perhaps letting fear hold me back, perhaps my job or money, perhaps selfishness or pride, instead of coming authentically and in brokenness before Christ and letting Him wash me with His water and His love. God reveals these wells to me and lovingly shows me how insufficient they are and how He is sufficient.

Being in pain helps in empathizing with the pain of others. Pain can generate a hardened or a softened heart. I can either build walls or I can let my heart remain open and tender as it is loved by Jesus. And in that love, I can feel and love others more deeply. I can pray for and support them in their pain. And I can share the love of Christ that has been shown in my pain with them.

And finally, how incredibly valuable and priceless are close friends! Knowing that I am prayed for, receiving encouragement from friends, having people to talk to, is helpful beyond what words can express. I'm not alone. You are not alone. People who love and support, those who are present and available, are such a huge help. Where would Israel have been had it not been for Aaron and Hur to hold Moses' hands up in the battle (Exodus 17)? Oh that would be like them and not like Job's friends!

I am me

2010-08-23T15:16:00.002-06:00

I am me
I'm what you see
My heart on sleeve
It's loud and free
I am me.

I am me
Romantic I
Movies I cry
Passion does fly
I am me.

I am me
My voice is loud
I am too proud
By life I'm wow'd
I am me.

I am me
Opinions too
I have a few
Reduce I do
I am me.

I am me
Slurp through a straw
With loud guffaws
Without much cause
I am me.

I am me
Work in progress
I do confess
Imperfect, yes
I am me.

I am me
Not change will I
To satisfy
Where mind might fly
I am me.

I am me
To live as free
Not people please
But just to be
I am me.

I am me
From this my heart
It is a start
To show a part
I am me.

I am me
This I must stress
Not to impress
Nor make you less
I am me.

I am me
All I can do
Is say to you
That this is true
I am me.

I am me
Within His love
Covered by blood
Scrubbing the mud
I am me.

I am me
I am in Christ
Bought with great price
By love enticed
I am me.

I am me
Imperfect be
Finish will He
This work to free
I am me.

I am me
Jesus in thee
Does make me see
That you are you
And
I am me.

Materialism

2010-08-01T20:58:00.001-06:00

I enjoy helping friends move. It probably sounds a bit strange, but I like the physical exercise, the fun times with friends as we grunt and groan and heave stuff up and down stairs, and the taste of water and pizza after all the hard work. In addition to this, I like how it challenges me with the stuff that I own—I go home after helping someone move and usually throw some of my stuff away. Tonight, the sermon at IBC was on materialism, which is something that has been on my heart and mind for a while now.

I have a lot of stuff and I buy a lot of stuff. I don’t need this stuff and sometimes I don’t even really want the stuff I buy; I just do so because maybe I’ll be a little happier if I have it. I’ve been cleaning out boxes and drawers lately and getting rid of things that I hardly ever use (if at all). I am amazed at how many of these things I have that have cost me a decent amount of money and yet I’ve never or hardly used them! What a waste! This is not being a good steward of the money that Christ gives me. I have a box of computer games and some random equipment that have easily cost me over the years $40-50 per game, and yet now it sits in a garage collecting dust, listed on Craig’s List for $10 and not a single phone call. I could hardly wait to get the games and play them several years ago and yet now, all together, they aren’t worth anything. There was a joystick I bought, used once, and then put it back in the box, only to sit for several years before getting rid of it a few weeks ago. There is the pen that I thought I needed to help me go back to hand-writing a journal that would save the handwriting to a computer that is now sitting unused and I am in the process of getting rid of it. Those are just a few examples of the many things that have been wasted.

How quickly the stuff we own starts to own us! We move to larger apartments and homes to make room for what we buy, get alarms to protect our stuff, buy safes to protect it, and locks, chains, keys, and bolts. If that isn’t enough, we insure what we own, spend money to maintain it and keep it looking nice, and then after we die, it’s sold in an estate sale for a tiny fraction of what we invested in it. We can’t really take it with us and most of the time our families don’t want it!

Thankfully, with all of this, I feel like my purchasing habits are starting to change. I question the purchase of an item a lot more now; do I really need it, can I live without it, what am I going to do with it, and am I actually going to use it immediately? What else might I do with the money saved by not buying it that would be a better use? C.S. Lewis suggests that if our giving habits do not cause us to feel some pain and make us reduce our spending habits, maybe we aren’t giving enough. Does my spending reflect the importance of Christ in my life, or how selfish I am? What about you?

Every Little Girl is a Princess

2010-03-03T09:16:00.001-06:00

I started reading one of my childhood favorites this morning, a novel by George MacDonald called The Princess and the Goblin. He opens the book with the following dialogue between him and his reader:

“But, Mr. Author, why do you always write about princesses?”
“Because every little girl is a princess".”
“You will make them vain if you tell them that".”
“Not if they understand what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean?”
“What do you mean by a princess?”
“The daughter of a king.”
“Very well, then, every little girl is a princess, and there would be no need to say anything about it, except that she is always in danger of forgetting her rank, and, behaving as if she had grown out of the mud. I have seen little princesses behave like the children of thieves and lying beggars, and that is why they need to be told they are princesses. And that is why, when I tell a story of this kind, I like to tell it about a princess. Then I can say better what I mean, because I can then give her every beautiful thing I want her to have.” (my emphasis)

MadDonald writes about princesses because little girls have a tendency to forget who they are and who their father is. This is so true with the believer in Jesus Christ! How often we forget who we are and Who our Father is! We are reminded constantly in the Bible of our standing in Christ, who we once were and no longer are, who we are now, and what Christ is making us to me. We are to lay aside the “old self” and put on the “new self” (Col 3:10, Eph 4:22, 24), we are adopted children of God (Romans 8:15, Eph 1:5), and we are to live as Christ by “clothing ourselves with Him” (Romans 13:14). In short, we are to be and act like children of God because He has made us His children in Christ Jesus. Living in this knowledge transforms our behavior. Am I acting like a son of the good and perfect Father (James 1:17)?

It reminds me of something Lewis wrote of “an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.”

What am I doing in the mud?

Chesterton

2010-02-12T08:37:00.001-06:00

I’ve been reading G.K. Chesteron’s book Orthodoxy the past couple of months and am discovering how much I enjoy his writing style and personality. What I most enjoy about him is that he brings me back to an honest romantic view of life, which is one I try hard to avoid. It is so easy to grow cynical and tired of everything and how refreshing it is to be reminded yet again that there is more to life than meets the eye. The longings of the heart indicate there is something that can fulfill those. To quote from the first chapter:

[W]e need this life of practical romance; the combination of something that is strange with something that is secure. We need so to view the world as to combine an idea of wonder and an idea of welcome. We need to be happy in this wonderland without once being merely comfortable.

And in chapter four:

[T]he strongest emotion was that life was as precious as it was puzzling. It was an ecstasy because it was an adventure; it was an adventure because it was an opportunity. The goodness of the fairy tale was not affected by the fact there might be more dragons than princesses; it was good to be in the fairy tale. The test of all happiness is gratitude; and I felt grateful, though I hardly knew to whom.

It reminded me of the delight in my childhood over fairy tales and how much I loved them and dreamed of being in them (and he describes his own similar feelings in the paragraphs surrounding the above quote). As I’ve grown older, I’ve grown more realistic about life, trading dreams of my youth for the reality of the world, and in doing so, lost much of the joy and excitement of being alive. I defined realism as harsh honesty about and acceptance of reality, when in fact, “as long as you have mystery you have health; when you destroy mystery you create morbidity” (from chapter 2).

I look forward to sharing more as I continue reading his books. They are a key that unlocks part of my heart.

Obedience, Freedom, and Joy

2010-01-10T15:49:00.001-06:00

Lately, I’ve been learning a lesson in the relationship between obedience and freedom, one which at first glance, seems to be a contradiction. This lesson, like others, has come through the experience of having a dog.

Our first family dog, Sandy, loved our pleasure at her obedience. She willingly, and joyfully, obeyed, responding quickly and enthusiastically to the training we took her through during the first year we had her. Within a few months, she would come, sit, lay down, stay, heel, and for fun, beg and shake. Her obedience, for the most part, was joyful and prompt. She trusted in the goodness of her masters and did as she was told. What was the result? Not only the joy of the master (us), but greater freedom for her. Once we knew she would come when called, we no longer needed the leash, and our walks and times of taking her out to play became greater arenas of freedom for her. We gave her the freedom to explore because we were confident in her obedience in that freedom. Her obedience not only resulted in greater freedom, but an increased joy, as she was able to enjoy that freedom, and we were able to relax on the walks (instead of the constant training).

Fast forward to present day, with a five-month old beagle puppy, who in addition to being young, is a breed that is rather difficult to train. Because of this, Coco is kept on a leash, and is not allowed the greater freedom that Sandy used to enjoy. It is my hope that through more time and training, we will get to the place that she will obey, so that she can be given greater freedom. It is my desire, as her master, to let her run free, to let her experience greater joy in being a dog, but this freedom can and will only be granted by her certain obedience. When I am confident in her obedience, she will be allowed to run free. Last weekend some friends and I went for a walk in the woods and she was given the freedom to run around and she loved it! It was a joy for me to see her have so much fun and it is my desire that she experiences more of this.

Are the limitations imposed by the leash and choke chain because of a mean master or the doubtful obedience of the dog? Applying this to the Christian walk, are some of the limitations or lack of things due to the Potter or in some cases because of the stubbornness of the clay? Perhaps I am not given what I want, because I could not handle the “freedom” that is granted in order to have that want. Obedience precedes freedom.

2009 Reading List

2009-12-29T21:43:00.001-06:00

In an attempt to keep track of the books I have read, I am going to start doing an annual reading list. Here are the books (those I can remember) that I read in 2009, in alphabetical order:

7 Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling
A Conflict of Visions by Thomas Sowell
Capitalism and Freedom by Milton Friedman
Charm School by Nelson DeMille
Common Sense* by Thomas Paine
Darkness Falls by Kyle Mills
Economic Facts and Fallacies by Thomas Sowell
End the Fed by Ron Paul
Extreme Measures by Vince Flynn
First Family by David Baldacci
Founding Brothers by Joseph J. Ellis
Free to Choose by Milton Friedman
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
Letters to a Young Conservative by Dinesh D’Souza
Male and Female by Margaret Mead
Men and Marriage by George Gilder
Mere Christianity* by C.S. Lewis
Pursuit of Honor by Vince Flynn
Solving the Riddle of Self by John Powell
The 5,000 Year Leap by W. Cleon Skousen
The Cato Handbook for Policymakers by The Cato Institute
The Closing of the American Mind by Alan Bloom
The Constitution of the United States: Its Sources and Its Application by Thomas James Norton
The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges
The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard
The First American: The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin by H.W. Brands
The Law* by Bastiat
The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
The Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen
The Quest for Cosmic Justice by Thomas Sowell
The Revolution by Ron Paul
The Road to Serfdom (Reader’s Digest Version)* by F.A. Hayek
The Tempting of America by Robert Bork
What Has the Government Done to our Money* by Murray Rothbard
Windows of the Soul by Ken Gire
Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen

*Available online for free from Google Scholar or other sources

Substitutes

2009-11-05T12:51:00.001-06:00

I've been working on training my new puppy, Coco, to not bite my hands (which has been rather difficult) and have found that it is important to have something for her to bite on as a substitute for my hand. If I simply grab her nose and tell her not to bite me, but give her nothing afterward, she tries to bite me again (note that this is all playful biting and not 'you look like lunch' biting). She is much better about not biting me when I give her something else to bite on.

There is a spiritual lesson here (actually, this is a general life lesson that applies to everything). If I want to stop a habit, it will be more effective to have something else to replace it with instead of just stopping it and doing nothing more. I struggle a lot with stopping some things and I think one reason why is in some cases I am not replacing them with anything, so I fall back into the old habits rather quickly. I need to find myself a bone or pull toy :).

What about you? Do you have substitutes? Are they effective?

Perspective

2009-10-16T20:23:00.001-06:00

The church I attend just finished a series on the life of Joseph, one of the Old Testament characters who was sold into slavery by his brothers, bought by an Egyptian captain, sent to jail because the captain's wife lied about an attempted rape, and finally, over 17 years after being sold by his brothers, elevated to being second on command of all of Egypt. One thing that has stayed with me about the series was the idea that periods of his story don't make sense when viewed from the perspective of Joseph. For his faithfulness, he was sent to prison. Favorite son, sold into slavery for 17 years. Locked in prison for years because of a lie told by a spurned woman. Large parts of his life are a mess and going through them I think would have been not only extremely difficult, but very easy to lose faith. How is one to hold on to hope in the midst of such circumstances? I think one way is by realizing that my story is only a small part of the larger story that is about God. Just as picking a random page in a book would very likely be confusing to read because it is out of context, so viewing my life without any eternal, bigger picture, could easily cause me to get lost in my problems and struggles. A puzzle piece is meaningless without the puzzle, a chapter lacks the context of the book that contains it, organs function as part of the whole body, and my story is only a tiny part of the grand story of God.

Saw Blades and Cigarette Butts

2009-10-11T22:17:00.002-06:00

I was walking my puppy this afternoon and as we were walking down the sidewalk, she came across a broken saw blade, which she promptly tried to pick up. I reached down and blocked her from picking it up with her mouth and we continued the walk, with her for a few seconds straining at the leash trying to still get to it. We continued on and a few minutes later she found a cigarette butt in the grass that she started chewing on and I removed it from her mouth and threw it away. She did not seem too happy about that being taken away either. I know my intentions towards her and my care for her motivates me to take things away from her that I know will hurt her. I do this, not because I am some mean spoil-sport that delights in ruining her fun, but because I love her and can see the danger in some things that she does not understand. While a saw blade to a two month old puppy looks like something fun to chew on, it would quickly land her at the vet with stitches and several weeks of pain. A cigarette butt isn't exactly something I want her to eat because the chemicals would not be good for her stomach.

As I was thinking about my reasons for taking these things away and trying unsuccessfully to explain to her what I was doing (she's a terrible listener), I was struck at how this is how I relate to God. What are my saw blades and cigarette butts that I whine and complain when He takes them away from me? Does He, the perfect Father, not do so out of love and infinite knowledge for my good? Why do I kick and scream, or pout because He took away something that I thought would bring me joy? What I want is for my dog to trust in my love for her and that my goodness towards her will bring her greater happiness than she on her own could possibly experience. Is this not what God wants for me? Should I not be willing to surrender my saw blades and cigarette butts to Him, knowing that a greater fun awaits, and even if not immediately, that what He is taking away is for my good?

What are your saw blades and cigarette butts that you find so difficult to surrender to Him?

Reality and Faith

2009-08-31T21:24:00.002-06:00

One of my biggest struggles is with trying to understand the relationship between reality and spirituality. I feel a lot of frustration at times with what I perceive as "spiritual" ideas or concepts because I don't feel like these reflect an accurate picture of reality and thus won't be successful or practical in the long run. A conversation with a good friend last Tuesday brought this issue back up again and as I was thinking about it the following morning, I came across a passage that beautifully gave what might be the answer.

Without become weak in faith he [Abraham] contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waiver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform. (Romans 4:19-21)

Here is a man, called the "friend of God" by God Himself, who considered and accepted reality -- he and his wife's inability to have a child -- and yet even in embracing and accepting that reality (and I might even say because of his acceptance of this reality), his faith in God grew stronger. When one sees the impossibility of the situation, one is faced with either despair in the circumstance, or, in the case of the believer, hope and faith that only God has the power to work through the situation. This is what I mean by the acceptance of the reality being a partial catalyst in his faith growing stronger. Neither he nor his wife were getting younger and they were well past their child-bearing years. Yet this fact, this real situation, caused him to cast his hope and faith even more onto the God who had promised and who he believed could perform his promise.

What do I do in the different situations where I see a seemingly hopeless situation that I don't have the power or ability to change? The stories written were for our edification and encouragement -- look and see what happened to them and what God did in their lives. If God took a man and his wife and enabled them to conceive and have a son decades after that time had past, could He not change my heart and my life? Is anything too hard for Him? What will I do when faced with reality? Will I turn towards Him and increase my hope and faith in Him, or cry that the giant is too big, not seeing the greatness of God that makes any giant but a grain of sand on the seashore? Could not He who formed the earth and spoke everything into existence have the power to mold me into the image of His Son? Oh me of little faith, or as Dr. Bailey pointed out in the translation, oh little faither!

C.S. Lewis Conversion

2009-04-13T16:52:00.001-06:00

As I was reviewing my notes in preparation for facilitating another table group study through Mere Christianity, I was reminded again of why C.S. Lewis and others (Chesterton, MacDonald, etc.) are so near to my heart:

"Remember, I had always wanted, about all things, not to be "interfered with." I had wanted (mad wish) "to call my soul my own." I had been far more anxious to avoid suffering than to achieve delight. I had always aimed at limited liabilities. The supernatural itself had been to me, first, an illicit dram, and then, as by a drunkard's reaction, nauseous. Even my recent attempt to live my philosophy had secretly (I now knew) been hedged round by all sorts of reservations. I had pretty well known that my ideal of virtue would never be allowed to lead me into anything intolerably painful; I would be "reasonable." But now what had been an ideal became a command; and what might not be expected of one? Doubtless, by definition, God was Reason itself. But would he also be "reasonable" in that other, more comfortable, sense? Not the slightest assurance on that score was offered to me. Total surrender, the absolute leap in the dark, [was] demanded. The reality with which no treaty can be made was upon me. The demand was not even "All or nothing." I think that stage had been passed, on the bus top when I unbuckled my armor and the snowman started to melt. Now, the demand was simply "All."

"You must picture me alone in that room in Magdalen, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me. In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all of England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape? The words compelle intrare, compel them to come in, have been so abused by wicked men that we shudder at them; but, properly understood, they plumb the depth of the Divine mercy. The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation." (Surprised by Joy, 220-221)

So much of this sticks out to me as I read this. I think one of the things I most identify with is his statement: I had been far more anxious to avoid suffering than to achieve delight. If there was a statement that would sum up my life, this is it!

But even if He does not...

2009-04-10T23:08:00.001-06:00

I was reading through the book of Daniel and came across the passage about the fiery furnace and the response to Nebuchadnezzar regarding his demand to worship him:

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3:16-18)

So these three men are threatened with death by fire if they do not bow down to the king and worship his image of gold. What struck me about their statement is not their faith that God will save them, but that His saving them from the furnace was not a condition of their obedience to Him. They were going to obey God regardless of what God did. If He saved them great; if He did not, they still would obey Him. What a great example!

In this story, God did come through. They were saved from the furnace. Yet there is another story, celebrated this week, where God did not save His Son. God the Son "emptied Himself, taking on the form of a bond servant, and became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Phil. 2:7) He did so, enduring the fiery "furnace" of the cross, and the rejection of God in order that you and I might be saved. Here we find that Christ's obedience to the Father was not conditioned upon being saved from the cup that the Father made Him drink--He surrendered His will to the Father and drank it. "Not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

Is my obedience to God conditional upon certain things? What things are these? Why am I allowing those things to separate me from Him? It seems that greater faith is grown through the surrender of expectations and the abandonment of one to Him. Even if He does or does not, will I follow Him? Will you?

Wounded Healer Reflection

2009-04-07T10:54:00.003-06:00

I recently finished The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen and was really convicted by much of what he had to say. The emphasis on the book is not so much trying to heal others as it is to get the reader to understand that without the mutual identification of wounds and entering into the hurt of another, healing cannot take place. I like what he says in the third chapter:

"Who can take away suffering without entering it?" The great illusion of leadership is to think that men can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there... we have forgotten that no God can save us except a suffering God, and that no man can lead his people except the man who is crushed by its sins.

He then quotes from Carl Rogers, who writes:

[W]hat is most personal and unique in each one of us is probably the very element which would, if it were shared or expressed, speak most deeply to others. This has helped me to understand artists and poets who have dared to express the unique in themselves.

I tend to forget about my wounds, and move on to what I consider bigger things, while losing the memory of where I once was. I think this is one of the reasons you see the pattern in the Bible of telling stories over and over. It is to remind the person of where they came from, what God did in his or her life, and who he or she once was. God commanded the children of Israel to remember:

Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. (Duet. 5:15, see 7:18, 8:2, 8:18, 15:15, 16:12, 24:18, 24:22)

My favorite scene in The Two Towers has Sam saying:

By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you.

Remember where you came from. Remember what He has done. Ministry to others depends on it!

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Is 53:5)

Religion

2009-03-30T13:52:00.001-06:00

Dr. Peck in his well-known book, The Road Less Traveled, has this to say about religion:

There is clearly a lot of dirty bath water surrounding the reality of God. Holy wars. Inquisitions. Animal sacrifice. Human sacrifice. Superstition. Stultification. Dogmatism. Ignorance. Hypocrisy. Self-righteousness. Rigidity. Cruelty. Book-burning. Witch-burning. Inhibition. Fear. Conformity. Morbid guilt. Insanity. The list is almost endless. But is all this what God has done to humans or what humans have done to God? It is abundantly evident that belief in God is often destructively dogmatic. Is the problem, then, that humans tend to believe in God, or is the problem that humans tend to be dogmatic? Anyone who has known a died-in-the-wool atheist will know that such an individual can be as dogmatic about unbelief as any believer can be about belief. Is it belief in God we need to get rid of, or is it dogmatism? (M. Scott. Peck, The Road Less Traveled, my emphasis)

I couldn't agree more.

Wounded Healer (update)

2009-03-29T21:51:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking about what I wrote previously and it bothers me for several reasons: I don't like people who write that way, it is very generic sounding and impractical, and it is very intellectual and "high-minded" which I feel is very arrogant. So I want to make a couple of observations on the Nouwen paragraphs that I hope will be more reflective of me.

I liked what Nouwen said because so often I feel like the approach a Christian gives to those outside the church can be very impractical and mystical. We say that "Christ has the power to change you" and that you can "do everything through Him" and yet I wonder just how well something like that speaks to someone who is unchurched. When we speak about our faith to others, sometimes we make assumptions of mutual understanding that very well may not be there. As one who works in computers, I may speak of such things as tags and markup in describing web pages to someone who has barely used a computer as a word processor, much less surf the internet, and therefore my words have no meaning to this person because he or she can't relate to what I am saying.

This is why I love what Nouwen says. It is critical for us to present the Christian message in a way that is practical and relevant to people in their every-day lives. And for this to be true, I think it has to be practical and relevant to our own lives. Only when we've gone through the discipline of working through Christ's message and applied it to our lives, in our current culture and present context, are we then in a better position to share that same message to others.

Wounded Healer

2009-03-27T20:02:00.003-06:00

Why should a man marry and have children, study and build a career; why should he invent new techniques, build new institutions, and develop new ideas--when he doubts if there will be a tomorrow which can guarantee the value of human effort?

Only when man feels himself responsible for the future can he have hope or despair, but when he thinks of himself as a passive victim of an extremely complex technological bureaucracy, his motivation falters and he starts drifting from one moment to the next, making life a long row of randomly chained incidents and accidents.

When we wonder why the language of traditional Christianity has lost its liberating power for nuclear man, we have to realize that most Christian preaching is still based on the presupposition that man sees himself as meaningfully integrated with a history in which God came to us... But when man's historical consciousness is broken, the whole Christian message seems like a lecture about the great pioneers to a boy on an acid trip.

Christianity is not just challenged to adapt itself to a modern age, but is also challenged to ask itself whether its unarticulated suppositions can still form the basis for its redemptive pretensions. (Nouwen in Wounded Healer)

This is a profound set of observations. In an era of post-modernism, meaning has been removed and one is left with nothing. It is difficult to present hope to one who feels as if nothing matters. The last sentence above is one of the best, in my opinion. We cannot simply present the gospel without being aware of our underlying assumptions and beliefs that others do not share and thus changing the way we approach the presentation of the hope of Christ. Our message is meaningless to those who do not share, in Nouwen's words above, a view of ourselves as "meaningfully integrated" in history.

Do you understand your assumptions, your presuppositions, the foundation of your beliefs? How do these differ to what the post-modern man thinks? In reflecting on the differences, what might change in your approach to speaking about your beliefs in a way that might be relevant to the post-modern man?

NOT Evangelism

2009-03-19T11:07:00.001-06:00

On Monday, my coworker told me about a conversation he had with a man at a flea market over the weekend. The man put a tract in his hand, asked him if he had ever disagreed with his parents, and told him he was going to hell because he had violated one of the commandments. My coworker is Muslim and politely told the guy that he did not agree and after a few more minutes of conversation, left. I have shortened the story intentionally, because I don't want to focus on the story, but on the method.

I don't even know where to begin with this. This "evangelist", for lack of a better term, makes me sick. How can one even think that approaching someone and telling them they are going to hell will change a lifetime of beliefs? If one's beliefs are swayed so easily, I might question the certainty of one's belief. I'd like to go over the absurdity of this approach.

Being in violation of God's law, in the example of disagreeing with parents, means that you are going to hell and therefore in need of Christ.

1. Who said I believe in God?
2. Who said disagreeing with parents was wrong?
3. Why should I accept the Bible as an authoritative source of truth for me?
4. On what basis do you state that hell exists? See question 3 when you respond.
5. If I did believe hell exists, why is Christ the only way?
6. You are stating things that you believe to be true--and I disagree with your beliefs--why do you think you are right and I am wrong?
7. I believe in X (for a Muslim it would be Allah, who is believed to be the same God as the Jewish and Christian God); why am I wrong?
8. Who is to say that what you claim is God's law is actually God's law? My religious books say otherwise.

Frankly, I am embarrassed by this guy's approach to sharing the gospel. It makes me think of the times when I so firmly believe something and passionately try to tell others, only to find them not as receptive to what I firmly believe is true. Perhaps telling people what we believe isn't a very effective way of communicating our beliefs, especially in the context of not knowing the person. I am finding that the older I get, the less I really ought to talk and the more I really ought to listen. And I am really bad about both.

Heaven

2009-03-19T11:06:00.002-06:00

I've been reading a book by Dallas Willard called The Divine Conspiracy and in a section where he discusses going to heaven, I found this particularly convicting:

I am thoroughly convinced that God will let everyone into heaven who, in his considered opinion, can stand it. But "standing it" may prove to be a more difficult matter than those who take their view of heaven from popular movies or popular preaching may think. The fires of heaven may be hotter than those in the other place... There is a widespread notion that just passing through death transforms human character. Discipleship is not needed. Just believe enough to "make it." But I have never been able to find any basis in scriptural tradition or psychological reality to think this might be so. What if death only forever fixes us as the kind of person we are at death? What would one do in heaven with a debauched character or a hate-filled heart? (p. 302)

Willard goes on to suggest that unless our belief results in life transformation, we really haven't believed. My actions will follow my belief and if my actions aren't consistent with what I say I believe in, then what I say I believe in isn't what I really believe in.

I find this convicting because in the last several months, almost a year now, I have slowly allowed things in my life to "slide", excusing myself from following through in areas I am pretty sure a whole-hearted belief in Christ would not be excused. In areas I find myself to act selfishly, rather than ruthlessly going after the selfishness and crucifying the flesh, I tell myself that it doesn't matter anyway--I am single so I can be selfish. In other areas of self-improvement, I have grown lazy and thus have regressed to locations below rock walls that I had once scaled.

Why do my actions not match my beliefs? I have no excuse--"[I]n the final analysis we fail to be disciples only because we do not decide to be. We do not intend to be disciples. (Willard)"

Heaven

2009-03-19T11:06:00.000-06:00

I've been reading a book by Dallas Willard called The Divine Conspiracy and in a section where he discusses going to heaven, I found this particularly convicting:

I am thoroughly convinced that God will let everyone into heaven who, in his considered opinion, can stand it. But "standing it" may prove to be a more difficult matter than those who take their view of heaven from popular movies or popular preaching may think. The fires of heaven may be hotter than those in the other place... There is a widespread notion that just passing through death transforms human character. Discipleship is not needed. Just believe enough to "make it." But I have never been able to find any basis in scriptural tradition or psychological reality to think this might be so. What if death only forever fixes us as the kind of person we are at death? What would one do in heaven with a debauched character or a hate-filled heart? (p. 302)

Sharing Secrets

2008-12-25T20:55:00.001-06:00

I've been so busy following the economic and political news that I have had very little emotional energy to write about other matters. I am hoping to spend more time writing about other things in addition to financial matters.

In The Silence of Adam, Crabb writes, "There are secrets involving specific events, memories of things others have done to us, or things we have done. There are secret internal realities: urges, interests, struggles, motives, thoughts, beliefs, or feelings that we regard as unacceptable, that we think would spoil any relationship in which they were known. Sometimes the things we hide are vague but powerful impressions, usually involving an unnamed but terrifying sense of our own despicableness, as sense that—we fear—others would confirm if given the chance." (italics his, bold mine)

In men's group we had an excellent discussion about secrets, which was the subject of a chapter in the book quoted above. I am hoping the above quote describes what kind of secrets this is in reference too. Sharing these kinds of secrets with trusted brothers or sisters can be very beneficial. I want to list a few of the benefits:

1. I experience the acceptance of others and through that acceptance, I learn to accept myself.

2. I discover that I am not alone.

3. I live in greater freedom.

4. I let go of pride.

One of the greatest benefits of being able to share with another a secret is the experience of acceptance that is tangible and real. By telling you a secret of mine and receiving your affirming love and friendship, I am better able to accept myself as I am, secret and all. I did not say "as I wish I was".

In addition, I find out that I am not alone. C.S. Lewis said that friendship begins with the statement "What? You too?" It is in isolation that our secrets can become terrifying and in community that we can discover fellowship and support from others.

By sharing secrets with another, I am able to live in greater freedom. The secret does not dominate my life, it is no longer hidden in this part of me that I can't let anyone see, but I am now in control of it, I am able to share it with those I trust, I am no longer bound to hide, mask, and lie to others.

The last benefit I want to mention here is the letting go of pride. By acknowledging my humanity to other people, I no longer have to pretend to be someone I am not—I can be who I truly am, warts and all. This gives me freedom from pride, even the false sense of it.

When might one want to share a secret with another? For one, such sharing needs to be in a confidential place, with a trusted friend. One should not share the deepest secret of one's life with a complete stranger. Is the depth of the secret to be shared appropriate for the intimacy of the friendship. Second, one should do so in a proper time and place. Doing so at a loud bar watching a football game is probably not the best place for that kind of conversation. What events are going on in the lives of the other that might provide distractions? It may not be wise to share a secret with a friend who is distracted by a layoff. Is your friend at an emotional place where he or she can provide such support?

What about for those on the receiving side of the secret? Recognize that your friend is taking a great risk by revealing him or herself to you in this way. Listen carefully to what they are sharing. Ask questions to ensure you understand what is being shared. Appreciate them for their bravery in taking off their mask. Verbalize your support and thanks. Reaffirm with them your friendship and your confidentiality. If appropriate, share similar experiences or weaknesses in return. Provide an atmosphere support, not judgment.

Are there secrets in your life that drag you down or make you feel alone and separated from people? Develop close friendships that can support the release of some of these things. I think you will find, as I have, that bringing light to dark places drives the shadows away.

Prediction with bail-out

2008-11-12T20:08:00.001-06:00

After Congress passed the $700B bail-out about a month ago, I wanted to write down some predictions that I had about the future with the bail-out and financial crises and instead of actually posting this, have sat on these ideas for the last month. I am posting these finally, although now some seem kind of obvious.

Those who passed this bail-out say that this is all that is needed. My first prediction is that this will not be enough and that there will be much more needed. I think it is a joke that they have divided it into an initial $350B package and then being open for requesting for the other half--as if we'd only use half of it. We are not only going to use the $700B, but we will be adding more money to bail-out additional companies. It may not come directly as a second or third bail-out package from Congress, but it will be with taxpayer money, either by taxes, deficit spending, or inflation.

Inflation is going to skyrocket. The prices of goods is going to go up. You cannot do what the government is doing and result in a net effect of 0 on the value of money (as if our money has any real value anyway). If the total money supply is $10T and you add another $1T to it, you will have reduced the value of the existing money by 10%. Now, the effect won't be immediate, but it will happen.

We will see the international community abandon the dollar as the financial "standard" that it has been. I think we will see the introduction of a world currency and the slow (or fast) collapse of the dollars value as goods such as oil are then valued in that new standard. It would not surprise me if we end up abandoning the dollar and switching the US to the new currency.

We will experience a prolonged and ugly recession. And the more the politicians and financial people try to intervene and throw money into the system to try to prevent it, the longer and worse it will get.

We will see a significant movement into socialism as the government takes control of more industry. This will be done in the name of "saving the economy" but what makes us think we can trust politicians more than CEOs?

The stock market is going to continue to go down. It probably will have up days, but the fundamentals in the market are bad and you simply cannot create money out of nothing and somehow "save" the system in any permanent and lasting way. It has to correct itself and the correction won't be pleasant.

Government Bank Purchases

2008-10-14T15:32:00.002-06:00

The government bought significant interests in several of the largest banks today. According to this article,

Executives of the country's biggest banks were summoned to a remarkable meeting at the Treasury Department on Monday to be briefed on the plan. Paulson basically told the bank CEOs that they had to accept the government stock purchases for the good of the U.S. economy.

This is incredibly disturbing. Some of the banks needed the money, but others did not, and yet the government forced all of the 9 banks to take the money. Does Wells Fargo or Chase need the money? Sure, they could use it, but this money comes in the form of partial ownership of the banks by the government.

What if you owned a house that the government decided to take partial ownership of, in exchange for some money, and gave you no choice in the matter? Or a business owner who is doing fine and was forced to sell part of the ownership in your company to the government?

Yet another step in our march towards socialism.

God and Story

2008-10-05T21:54:00.001-06:00

One thing I have been noticing in reading the Bible is how God does not go about things in a simple way. The small group I am in at the singles group at church just finished a study on the life of Joseph. As we were going through his life, I realized that God brought Jacob and the entire family of Israel from the promised land down to Egypt, only to rescue them and take them back to the promised land 400 years later. This is not simple. All throughout Scripture, we see this build up of an incredible story--one in which God is the centerpiece. And I think that is the point! The master artist, to display his handiwork, does not simple put a few strokes on a canvas to display his ability. Michelangelo spend years working on the Sistine Chapel, David, and the other masterpieces that we now remember him by. The greater the work, usually the longer it takes. Could it not be said that the redemption of mankind is, at least from a human perspective, the greatest of all works? And while God could go about our redemption in a very simple, straight-forward manner, His purpose seems to be greater than that. In fact, the length of time and the complexity and chapters in the story make us more and more amazed by Him, more in awe of Him, and give Him more glory. His purpose is to display Himself. The story is about Him and as such it reflects Him.

Bail-out

2008-09-29T10:13:00.001-06:00

I suggest reading the following article and contacting your Representative and Senator with your comments... this is happening TODAY!

http://www.alternet.org/workplace/100700/the_fiscally_insane_bailout_bill_might_not_pass_--_here's_5_reasons_it_shouldn't/

Contact Info:

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm?State=TX

Cornyn, John- (R - TX) (202) 224-2934 - http://cornyn.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?FuseAction=Contact.ContactForm
Hutchison, Kay Bailey- (R - TX) (202) 224-5922 - http://hutchison.senate.gov/contact.cfm

White House - comments@whitehouse.gov; 202-456-1111

Representative Ken Marchant - (972) 556-0162 - http://www.kennyforcongress.com/ (you may have a different rep)

Housing Meltdown - Explanation

2008-09-27T20:57:00.000-06:00

Bailout Plan

2008-09-23T09:51:00.003-06:00

In this article , I am in agreement with most of the lawmakers, including the Democrats. Let me quote parts of this article in references to the proposed (INSANE and STUPID) bail-out plan:

"I understand speed is important, but I'm far more interested in whether or not we get this right," said Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., chairman of the Senate Banking Committee. "There is no second act to this. There is no alternative idea out there with resources available if this does not work," he added.

Sen. Richard C. Shelby of Alabama, the panel's senior Republican, was even more blunt. "I have long opposed government bailouts for individuals and corporate America alike," ..."We have been given no credible assurances that this plan will work. We could very well send $700 billion, or a trillion, and not resolve the crisis."

"Just because God created the world in seven days doesn't mean we have to pass this bill in seven days," said Rep. Joe Barton, R-Texas.
Added Rep. Darrell Issa, R-Calif., "I am emphatically against it."

Republicans said the sheer size of the bailout would cost each man, woman and child in the United States $2,300.
If approved and implemented, that could push the government's budget deficit next year into the $1 trillion range — far and away a record.

"This massive bailout is not a solution, It is financial socialism and it's un-American," said Sen. Jim Bunning, R-Ky.
Dodd said the administration's initial proposal would have allowed the Treasury secretary to "act with utter and absolute impunity — without review by any agency or court of law" in deciding how to administer the envisioned bailout program.
"After reading this proposal, I can only conclude that it is not just our economy that is at risk, Mr. Secretary, but our Constitution, as well," Dodd said.

I agree, I agree, I agree! I strongly encourage you to contact your congressman and senators and tell them to vote NO for any government intervention in the markets (you can do this electronically). Do not believe the bs that we don't have any other choice. When businesses make stupid decisions, they are responsible for the consequences of those decisions, which in this case is bankruptcy. It is not the responsibility of the government (and us, since we actually support it with our taxes) to bail them out.

Check out mises.org for some good and common-sense economics.

Election Choices

2008-09-14T21:47:00.002-06:00

I think the biggest losers in this election season are the people in America (us!). In a hotly contested race of X versus Y, what most of us don't realize is that the difference between the two candidates isn't even a single letter (to speak figuratively). We are faced with a "choice" of very liberal or the most liberal. This isn't a choice. The idea that we think we even have one is rather amusing. I've had some good discussions (and disagreement) with my friend David about this and he has made some excellent points about voting for the person you really would want in office. We aren't just limited to a two-party system. We aren't required to vote either Democrat or Republican. We actually can--shock!--make a real choice!

My standard objection to voting for a third party candidate is that it is a throw-away vote. Or is it? I suppose it might be more like stepping outside of the box and going against the flow. Now, it isn't wise to do something because it goes against the flow. But let me offer one question: when did we get ourselves to a mindset that "this person will do less of X than the other person" and therefore is a better choice, when neither one is a good choice to begin with! Would this be how we would treat sin? What is the "lesser" sin I can commit? (I am using an extreme here as an illustration only.)

That all being said.. my last objection to voting third party is that it seems to be a little idealistic. I still have not been able to answer my own question of: what am I really accomplishing by voting third party? Would it be to have a clear conscience? It's not like I would be contributing to the lesser of the evils. Or would I? Isn't my vote a message that says I am disgusted with both parties? Maybe I am just too much of a pessimist to think that enough of those kinds of votes would actually make a difference. It seems unrealistic and impractical to think it would.

I am curious... what do you think?

IBC, Women, and Changes

2008-08-25T22:25:00.002-06:00

I am really sad to read that Dr. Bailey has stepped down from the teaching team at IBC over the recent decision of the elder board regarding women's role in the church. I also read in the Dallas Morning News that Tommy Nelson at Denton Bible has strong disagreement over this decision. The full decision of the elders can be read here, but in brief, "At IBC we recognize that God created both man and woman in His image, that He offers the same Holy Spirit to both men and women at salvation, and that the same spiritual gifts are available to both men and women for service. While the New Testament seems to imply that eldership is reserved for men, the elders of IBC affirm that women in all other roles are scripturally qualified, spiritually blessed, and directly called to use their spiritual gifts to build Christ's Kingdom." Now, this is something that I initially agree with and think it is a good decision. I am stunned that Dr. Bailey would step away from IBC because of it, although in his position as president of DTS, it is not one that would be good for him to be associated with (when did we get to the place where truth, if it is truth, must be avoided because of political or economic reasons? Another subject entirely). I must say I have a great amount of respect for Dr. Bailey and will have him as my teacher starting tomorrow for the Bible Study Methods class I am taking at DTS. I feel really sad about Dr. Bailey not being at IBC or teaching there. I think he added a lot to the teaching staff. I hate to see the church divided over this issue (and yet it is only one of the many). I've been thinking a lot about the decision and have been wondering... Did the elders make the right decision? What was their motivation for doing what they did? And then I realized: I can disagree or agree, as I am convicted and study the subject myself. These are fallible men who make wrong decisions too. Please don't misunderstand me--I am not saying I think they are wrong. I still think they are correct, and if anything, I have serious doubts about why Paul would say some of the things he did about women. But this certainly has caused me to take a step back and think a little more about this. I hope to post more on this in the near future--tonight I just wanted to share what is going through my head and heart as I start to see some of its impact.

Inflation

2008-08-18T12:29:00.001-06:00

This article is one that is worth reading and considering carefully:

http://biz.yahoo.com/bizwk/080818/aug2008db20080815021990.html

The reality of the market is that inflation has increased significantly and is only getting worse. From a savings perspective, this means that you have to earn the inflation rate plus what your target earnings is. If you are trying to earn 10% on your money, you'll need to achieve that plus the inflation rate, bringing your target rate to 20+%. Other savings vehicles will need to be pursued.

A Lesson in Obedience from a Rock and a Stick

2008-07-27T11:20:00.001-06:00

Today in the children's ministry the passage we covered was in Numbers 20:1-13. The children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron for bringing them out to the wilderness to die because they had no water. Moses and Aaron went before the Lord and He told them to gather the people in one place and speak to a rock and the rock would bring forth water for all the people. Moses was so frustrated with the people that after venting at them, he struck the rock twice with his rod. Because of this, Moses was not allowed to lead the people into the Promised Land. I was thinking about this and felt like God was really harsh with Moses. He changed one little thing and was not allowed to go into the land that he had spent most of his life trying to go too. But in thinking about the passage, some things came to the surface.

1. God is serious about obedience, even in areas we might think are small.

2. My frustration is not an excuse for disobedience or modifications to what God has told me to do.

3. Moses' disobedience was a public act, not one that was private. Public acts of disobedience have harsher consequences, because of the increased responsibility of the disobedient individual, due to the visibility of the act.

Why was it so important to speak to the rock instead of hitting it? Primarily, because God said to. By hitting the rock, it lessened the miracle of water coming out of it. There had to be a huge amount of noise around the rock, with thousands of people grumbling and Moses speaking to them so that they could hear, and yet no water came out. If the rock had been under a tremendous amount of pressure, hitting it, as Moses did, could have weakened it to where it would have burst. There was more possibility of a natural occurrence by hitting the rock. God wants the glory for what He does (as He deserves). By speaking to the rock, the fact that water would come out could only be attributed as a true miracle from God. This is a rather simplistic thought as to one possibility, but the point remains: obedience is important, and carries more weight in public matters.

The Democratic Position on Oil

2008-07-17T08:09:00.002-06:00

From http://www.investors.com/editorial/cartoon.asp

Responsibility

2008-07-02T19:51:00.001-06:00

One of the areas that I struggle with is misplaced responsibility and is an area I have been growing in with the help of my therapist. In December of last year, he pointed out that there is a lot of shifting responsibility in my family, with me taking on more responsibility and others taking on less. In doing so, I was carrying a large weight on my shoulders that was unnecessary. One of the more freeing things recently has been to decrease what I take responsibility for. Combined with my previous comments about acceptance, these two have been life-changing for me.

Sometimes we take responsibility for things we are responsible for, other times we take on responsibility for things we are not responsible for, and still other times we fail to be responsible for things we are responsible for. The challenge is to distinguish between these. One easy way of determining this is to ask myself: can I control it? Let me give an example.

One of my concerns in having contact with my dad was what would transpire between us if the topics of conversation went to areas that we would strongly disagree on. My therapist pointed out that in my thought processes, I was taking responsibility for how my dad might respond, when in reality, I can't control how he would respond, nor am I expected to do so! The only thing I am responsible for is my side of the conversation, and I can freely choose to engage or not, depending on my free choice to talk about certain subjects.

I used to think that I was supposed to "fix" things in my family, or make sure that things went well. If person X is mean to person Y, then it is up to me to make sure Y is ok and that X won't be mean again. If my brother was with a woman who treats him poorly, I would feel a burden for him and would try to think of ways that I could help. If I saw a psychological need, attempted to assist, and if the person was resistant or flat out non-responsive, I would be agitated because I was taking on responsibility for their issue! In all of these and more, what I found was that it's not my responsibility!

If person X is mean to person Y, it is up to person Y to stand up for him/herself. My brother is an adult and has the maturity to make decisions on who he chooses to date. The individual who needs psychological assistance can be given the card of a qualified psychologist. If I am talking to my dad and he tries to bring up stuff about my brother, I can (and will) remind my dad that I am not interested in how he and my brother relate, but only how he and I relate.

On the surface, this sounds really harsh! I used to think that real love was the romantic feelings and doing all these wonderful things for everyone and being the great person who is so nice and helpful. In my reading and studying, what I've realized is that love is the acceptance of another person as wholly other and free. To put it another way, another person is separate, distinct, and unique from me and how I relate to him or her is in every way possible one that encourages and promotes freedom. Therefore, anything that I do that takes responsibility away from them ultimately is an unloving thing to do. It is like trying to help the butterfly out of the cocoon, when it is through the struggle of getting out that strength is built and the butterfly can actually live and fly. It means living with greater thought and purpose in how I relate to others.

The Wand and it's Master

2008-07-02T19:47:00.001-06:00

This was an interesting parallel I observed while reading Harry Potter, although I doubt it was intentional by its author.

In the last Harry Potter book, Deathly Hallows, Harry faces Voldemort twice and both times Voldemort casts the killing curse on Harry. What Voldemort does not realize is that his wand's master is actually Harry, and the wand will never betray its master. So the first time the killing curse is cast on Harry, the wand kills the only thing in Harry that is not Harry – the part of Voldemort that was inside of Harry. The second time, the curse backfires and kills Voldemort.

When Christ died on the cross for the sins of the world, He took the "keys of death and Hades" from Satan. Christ's redemption of us gives us a new master. When Satan casts curses our way, the curses can only kill or harm that which is dead, the "sin nature". But because of redemption, because of the work of Christ, the new man or woman, the recreated individual that Christ has made a person to be, is protected. Satan can threaten and make promises to lock us up or kill us, but the threats are empty. Yes, he can kill us, physically, and even painfully. But "do not fear him who can kill the body, but rather He who can kill the body and soul." Christ is the authority over spiritual death, and this curse of spiritual death is now hollow when cast by Satan against a child of Christ. The wand will never betray its master.

Pay Attention!

2008-07-02T19:40:00.001-06:00

Much of what is being said in the political arena is either a blantant lie or a carefully spun story that makes a candidate look better. It is critical to actually measure what is being said with what is common sense and what is actual reality. A great example of this is the ridiculous proposals for making cars more energy efficient.

I have seen statements that amount to something like: "Requiring that all cars have fuel efficiency increased by 50% by the year 2020." Let's measure this statement with a little bit of common sense. Consider:

2020 is 12 years away.
12 years ago the price of gas was $1.27, a 239% increase
Inflation, if we accept the traditional view (which I do not), runs at about 3-5% annually, which at 12 years, compounded at 4%, equals 60%.

Does anyone see the aburdity in the statement? If I increase my car efficiency by 50%, but the price of gas has increased by a greater percent, and inflation has made my purchasing power weaker, I've still lost. The statement has no value for those living in 2020 and is stated so as to sound "good" in the present.

Nevermind the disaster of allowing the government to regulate something else, which prevents a (formerly) "free" market to dictate the design and efficiency of cars. If we want to drive big-ass cars, we must pay the price to drive them. If we wish for a cheaper gas bill, we can get a more fuel-efficient car. Actions and choices have consequences.

This does not even get into the falling value of the dollar and why gas prices are really rising. But I write this to illustrate that we need to be cautious and exercise some careful investigation of what is being stated by all parties, everywhere. Just because it sounds good and feels right doesn't make it true, practical, or a sound long-term solution.

Acceptance

2008-05-23T15:09:00.000-06:00

About six months ago I was told by my therapist that the difficulties in my interactions with my dad were my fault. Now, I had not seen or talked to my dad for seven years, but my therapist's comment was in reference to some of what had happened many years ago. The short version is that as I grew older and began to develop my own ideas and opinions that were (in some cases, very) different from what my dad thought, he and I had more and more conflict. Needless to say, this statement by my therapist came as quite a shock and completely stopped my mental train of thought. How is it my fault? After all, dad's supposed to be the adult!

And that is when I was told something that has been life-changing to me. "Your problems in how you related to your dad were a failure on your part to accept your dad as he is. You expected your dad to be an objective, unselfish father and that is simply not who he is." In short, I had failed to accept my dad for who he was and is. In the last several months, I have come to believe that this statement is not only true, but that acceptance is one of the most important ingredients in successful relationships and in personal growth. A tremendous amount of pain in our interactions with other people may very well be rooted in our lack of acceptance for who those people are.

At first, I had a very difficult time accepting my therapist's statement. I wanted a relationship with my dad that would support objective dialogue. I learned in this difficulty that part of acceptance of another person will involve a mourning of the expectations as they are let go. I had to learn to accept that the kind of relationship with my dad that I had hoped to have was not to be, but that by accepting him for who he was, we could have a relationship with one another (instead of none at all). And that is what has happened. I saw my dad for the first time on New Year's Eve, and applied this concept to our interaction. I have seen him again and exchanged several emails over the last several months and our interaction has been very positive. It has been positive in part because I have released my expectations for what I wanted him to be and instead have accepted him for who he is. This has meant that I steer the conversation clear of certain areas, knowing that he cannot be objective in discussing them. It means that I accept the fact that I will not receive his approval for certain actions or beliefs I have, and thus there is no point in asking for that approval. This has been liberating.

You might be thinking that this sounds like a lot of work on my part; that the interaction with him isn't that great because I have to avoid certain topics, that he isn't being what a "real dad ought to be". Well, it is a lot of work on my part, but it is work I am willing to do (for reasons I hope to discuss further at some point). As for the interaction not being "great", what do we define as "great", except what we set forth in our expectations of others? A dad being a "great dad" implies that he is exceeding a set of expectations that one has of what a "good dad" would be. These expectations may not be realistic and if they do not match the person we compare them too, we have failed to accept the person. What I am saying is that "great" is relative and when it comes to people, long-term positive interaction occurs as we learn to accept others as they are, instead of holding them to an unrealistic standard of what we want them to be, expect them to be, or think they 'should' be. In practicality for me, it has meant that I significantly reduce what I expect of my dad, which then leads to having a form of positive interaction with him that is mutually beneficial.

Let me repeat again that acceptance is one of the most important ingredients to successful interaction with other people, whether this interaction takes places in friendships, family circles, or the closest type of interaction, marriage. On the surface, it seems simple, but doing it is really hard. Expecting someone to be on time when they are habitually late may not be realistic to who they are. Expecting someone to do something your way instead of the way they do it may not be consistent with their personality. It may not be the way you do it, but they aren't you (I have to remind myself of this one constantly!). I didn't and still don't realize all of the places where this has an impact. Do I accept this person for who they are now or am I expecting them to change, in some way, either in the short or long-term?

Christ and Growth

2008-05-19T08:14:00.001-06:00

In the movie Prince Caspian, when Lucy sees Aslan for the first time, she is surprised that he is bigger. Aslan replies, "Every year you grow, so will I." This statement struck a chord deep within me, as I thought about how this applies to life.

As a child, the music I heard sounded nice; as an adult, I understand more of the form and structure that gives music its melody, harmony, and rhythm. As a child, I saw the relationship between a man and a woman as a simple arrangement that people do; as an adult, I now see it as a lifetime transformation into oneness and unity with another human being. Baby formula tasted good for me as a baby, but now a juicy steak is one that satisfies both the palette and appetite. As I grow older, the size of my world grows in height, depth, and width.

But the greatest joy of all is that Christ has grown throughout all of this. The Lord I know today is so much bigger than the one I knew several years ago. Each day He grows larger as I learn more about Him. Christ is not static and fixed, but alive and walking with me as I grow. Even better, much of what I was told about Him has been changed, modified, or eliminated as He has brought me into deeper relationship with Himself.

I think perhaps the truth is not that Christ grows as I grow, but that Christ has humbled Himself for me—so that I might come to know Him in my finite, limited form. It is not He that grows, but me, in that my eyes are continuously opened to a little more of what He has always been.

Post DTS First Semester

2008-05-12T15:25:00.002-06:00

I finished the Intro to Theology class I have been taking at DTS this semester and have been reflecting on how different it was from what I expected and what changes have taken place because of it. I was scared of going to DTS, for fear that it would be a return to a religious dogmatism that for so long I've been walking away from. I expected DTS to be like my dad and was guarded and defensive going into the semester. I was not and am not interested in being brainwashed into the "Christianese" way of thinking, where you are a good boy or girl if you always start your sentences with "the Bible says…" And yet for a long time I have wanted to take some Bible classes and deepen my understanding of Scripture. My attitude was: "If this is anything like I think it might be (closed-minded, dogmatic, 'thus saith the Lord'), I'll be sad that the door was closed but I won't continue." Well, I have been very surprised in my experience at DTS. It's difficult to put into words what I feel about it now. I feel like this class introduced me to some concepts that have made the gospel of Christ more relevant and life-giving. I'd go so far to say that the Lord has given me hope. I suppose most Christians in every age have struggled with this question: how is the Bible and Christianity relevant to my culture, in my time, in this place; and yet also relevant to your culture, and in your place, and perhaps even in a different time? Does what the Bible says apply both literally and globally, without variation due to culture? I admit I expected the DTS answer to be YES! To the praise of Christ, it was not! The answer is more like: it depends (more to come on this in the future)!

If you have done any construction, there is quite a lot of preparation of the ground before any concrete can be poured. I expected my DTS experience to be like trying to construct a house without a foundation. The approach to "Christian truth" I was trained in by my parents was riddled with holes. It's a house built on a lot of sand. I was worried that DTS would only mix some clay with the sand and tell me to join the people saying the emperor's clothes were amazing. "But Dad, he's NAKED!" Instead, a crane was brought in, the house was lifted off the sand, trenches dug, pipes laid, pilings dug, and framing for the foundation has been laid. And while it is making a mess, it is a mess that I am excited about! I'm not sure what to expect, but I like what I've seen so far!

There is a scene in the first Lord of the Rings movies where Galdalf is leading the Fellowship through the dark, underground caverns of Moria, the dwarven city. He decided he can "spare a little more light in here" and as his walking stick starts to shine brighter it reveals an enormous cavern with pillars as far as the eye can see. The Fellowship gasps in amazement at the magnificence and enormity of it all. Rather than hitting the bottom and being disappointed with the shallow insufficiency of it all, what I learned this semester has expanded my horizons and made me realize Christ is so much more!

Financial Regulations

2008-03-31T14:20:00.001-06:00

From this article on Yahoo Finance (my emphasis):

Wall Street profits could take a big hit if the government toughens regulations in a proposed overhaul of the U.S. financial system, the manager of the world's biggest bond fund said on Monday.

Gross referred to these Wall Street firms as "shadow banks" because they have raised billions in the capital markets, rather from savings and traditional lending. Less stringent regulations had allowed Wall Street to make riskier and more profitable bets than commercial banks.

This "shadow banking system," which consists of all the levered investment conduits, vehicles and structures created by Wall Street, is now facing liquidity constraints.

"Shadow banks will likely be forced to raise expensive capital and/or reduce the bottom line footings of their balance sheets," he said.

I tend to not be for government regulations, but in this instance I am all for them. This is complaining that if the government toughens the regulations, then the investment bankers will have to have more capital (cash, real wealth) and less levered (debt) investments! My response to this complaint:

Tough.

Contentment

2008-03-20T10:46:00.001-06:00

The country song below expresses the value of contentment and maximizing the now. I am not very good about either, having a tendency to be more like the girl in the song, thinking that I'll be ok "when...". A game I played as a kid called Character Clues defined contentment in a way I have never forgotten: "Realizing that God has provided all of my needs for my present happiness."

Trace Adkins You're Gonna Miss This

She was starin' out the window of that SUV
Complainin' sayin' I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money and I'll make my own roots
Mama put the car in park out there in front of the school
and she kissed her head and said I was just like you

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In her one bedroom apartment and her daddy stops by
He tells her it's a nice place, she says it'll do for now
Starts talkin' about babies and buyin' a house
Daddy shakes his face and says Baby just slow down

Cuz you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times so take a good look around
You may not know it now but you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plummer workin' on the water heater,
Dogs barkin' phones ringin' one kid's cryin' one kid's screamin',
And she keeps apologizing, he says they don't bother me I got 2 babies of my own one's 36 one's 23 it's hard to believe

But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times so take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna miss this
Yeah, you're gonna miss this

The Fed and Gas Prices

2008-03-13T08:06:00.001-06:00

Over the last year gas prices have increased significantly. As easy as it is to blame greed or even the war in Iraq for the gas problems, the primary culprit is the weakening dollar due to the Fed's economic activity. Ultimately, the falling value of the dollar contributes to increasing the price for foreign goods (such as oil) because it takes more dollars to buy the same goods. Why is the dollar falling? The Fed has been aggressively cutting interest rates to attempt to prevent a recession. Lower interest rates mean that an investor earns less on their investments then before (anyone seen their interest rates on savings accounts lately?) and thus US-securities become less attractive. Furthermore, the Fed has been dumping billions of dollars of liquidity into the system to attempt to keep the credit crisis from affecting the economy as a whole (which has not been successful). Two days ago the Fed announced a $200 billion dollar injection to trade the bad debt of banks for dollars. They created this money out of nothing. You can't do that without dropping the value of money by the same amount. And sure enough, what happened. Within two days oil rose 10%, is now above $110/barrel, and the Euro is now above $1.55..

In short:

Cutting interest rates makes the dollar less valuable

Dumping billions of dollars of "new money" reduces the value of the dollar

Therefore, weakening dollar equals increased prices for foreign goods (not to mention the soon-to-be increases in domestic goods)

What is disturbing about all of this is that the Fed is attempting to protect the economy from the consequences of poor decisions, instead of letting the market adjust itself. If a bank was unwise in its lending activity (read, made poor business decisions), natural consequences take over. If we try to interfere with those, it just makes things worse in the long run. By dumping money and lowering interest rates, the Fed is playing a very dangerous (and stupid) game in an attempt to stop something that is happening. It will just make things worse and the recovery longer. I understand that much of it is political, but it is still stupid. Politics and economics are not a good mix.

Politics in Oil

2008-03-10T12:17:00.002-06:00

From this article (my emphasis):

The world economy could get some help with the arrival of a new U.S. president, and possibly a new economic policy, "and with this new situation it is very probable that the dollar will start to recover and thus permit a readjustment of the (oil) market," El Moudjahid quoted him as saying.
OPEC members meeting in Vienna last week decided to hold production flat, insisting markets were well supplied and blaming record prices on factors outside the group's control, including speculators and what Khelil called the "mismanagement" of the U.S. economy.

This is very disturbing. I read this statement as saying something along the lines of:

Unless there is a presidential change in the November elections which changes the US economic policy to continue its dependence on the oil we provide (as opposed to seeking alternate energy source), the oil prices will continue to rise.

Not cool.

Division

2008-02-16T20:37:00.002-06:00

I have been reading in 1 Corinthians and came across the following passage in chapter 1:10-13:

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. My brothers, some from Chloe's household have informed me that there are quarrels among you. What I mean is this: One of you says, "I follow Paul"; another, "I follow Apollos"; another, "I follow Cephas"; still another, "I follow Christ."
Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized into the name of Paul?

Paul is being slightly ironic here and how appropriate. Did Paul die, are you baptized in Paul's name? Who is important -- the one who baptizes you, or the one in Who's name you are baptized? It is so easy to get caught up in the person we can see and forget the one in in Whom we worship. I find I do this all the time -- I focus on the sermon or person and forget that life in Christ is about life in Christ. In Christ!

Surrender

2008-02-16T20:27:00.001-06:00

Surrender is an activity Christ has really been working on in my heart these last few months. I previously posted on dying to self, and as I read a book by Ken Gire called The Divine Embrace, it came up again.

“At the Cross we see how Jesus lost his life and something of how we are to lose ours. It was his responsibility to die. It was the Father’s responsibility to resurrect him. To us has been given a similar responsibility. Not to bring life out of death. But to die. Our responsibility is to surrender. The result of our surrender is not our responsibility. Understanding the truth of that has been liberating. It has also been sobering, because dying is the ultimate surrender of control… What if in our daily lives we start living like Jesus did?—dying to ourselves, giving of ourselves, surrendering ourselves… and God doesn’t come through for us? What if he overlooks our surrender? What if he doesn’t resurrect those moments of faith when we place the results in his hands, to do with what he pleases, when he pleases? What then?

Then we wait in the tomb another day. [!!!]
And another, if necessary.
For as many days as God appoints.

Because our days are in his hands, not ours… [and] all the resurrections of the daily deaths to which we surrender ourselves.” (pages 207-208, my emphasis)

My immediate reaction to this is “No way! You want me to wait another day/week/month/year?! It stinks in here!” But God is not primarily interested in making my nose happy, but conforming me into the likeness of Jesus Christ, and the example Christ set is one of dying to self. Why? “For if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” (Romans 8:13) What must die is the flesh, that “wretched man that I am”. What must die is every part of me that is not conformed to the will of the Father. What did Paul say in Galatians 2:21? “I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me…”

I am reminded of the words of Job: “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him” (Job 13:15a)

Tax Incentive

2008-01-25T11:12:00.000-06:00

From this article:

Under the agreement announced by the White House, Boehner and Pelosi, individual taxpayers would get up to $600 in rebates, working couples $1,200 and those with children an additional $300 per child. In a key concession to Democrats, 35 million families who make at least $3,000 but don't pay taxes would get $300 rebates. [my emphasis]

Reread the emphasized part. Families who do not pay any taxes are going to receive $300. This is ridiculous. The government is taking money taxpayers have paid into the system and giving it to people who do not pay any taxes.

Heath Ledger

2008-01-24T08:35:00.000-06:00

I saw on the news that Heath Ledger died a couple of days ago, possibly from a drug overdose. This saddens me. Here is a man who had what we might perceive as 'everything' and yet his life ended in such tragedy. What comes to mind is the following statement by Christ:

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? (Matt. 16:26)

Dying to Self

2008-01-22T18:25:00.001-06:00

One of the books I am currently reading is called The Road Less Travelled. This is one of the most challenging books I have ever read, primarily because the author does not beat around the bush, but is very straight forward and honest. He shares an excellent example of what it means for different parts of the self to die in order to embrace where one is at in life. In the Balancing chapter, the author recounts a story of playing chess with his 14 year old daughter who was very disciplined at going to bed by 9 PM on weekdays. She had been wanting to play for a long time and was very excited about the game. The evening wore on and it started to get close to when she wanted to go to bed so she asked her dad to hurry the game up. He thought she was a bit too rigid about her bedtime and so insisted they keep playing, because "you shouldn't start games that you can't finish." After playing for another ten minutes, his daughter burst into tears and ran upstairs. He says, "I started the evening wanting to have a happy time with my daughter. Ninety minutes later she was in tears and so angry at me she could hardly speak. What had gone wrong?.. I had botched the evening by allowing my desire to win a chess game become more important than my desire to build a relationship with my daughter… Gradually it dawned on me that my desire to win was too great and that I needed to give up some of this desire." Here is where the dying of different parts of the self comes in. What does one do with this? Do you go explain to your daughter the importance of finishing a game—which would be ridiculous, but the thing an insensitive parent who is unwilling to change would do. "I have given up part of my desire to win at games. That part of me is gone now. It died. It had to die. I killed it… When I was a child my desire to win at games served me well. As a parent, I recognized that it got in my way. So it had to go. The times have changed. To move with them I had to give it up. I do not miss it. I thought I would, but I don't." (pages 67-69)

I love the above quote, especially when he states that for a time, his desire served him well, but now, it got in the way, and it had to go. There are many things that at different points in our lives has served us well. But do they serve us well now or are they hindrances to our growth? Does your/my desire to win get in the way of enjoying other people (and they enjoying us)? Do I really need to feel that I have to have everything figured out in order to be safe—understanding that for a time, that knowledge did serve me well, but no longer does? Ultimately, the point here applies to anything in our lives that gets in the way of us becoming people who are free of our own chains. "I can't", "I have to", "I must", "I should"—these are all common, useful phrases that reflect limitations and desires that have served us well. But do they serve you and me well now?

"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." (1 Cor. 13:11)

The "D" Word

2008-01-22T18:16:00.001-06:00

Dispensationalism. I just finished a book by that title this morning, which is the last of the seven I had to read for a class I am taking at DTS. Wait, don't stop reading! This post may not be what you think it is about to be. I found the material presented in the previous books to be very interesting, relevant, and thought-provoking. This last book was, in a word, boring. I felt frustrated reading this book because I felt like it was splitting hairs. So, I have analyzed my feelings and frustration towards this and have a few thoughts to share.

I am just as guilty as anyone for splitting hairs over theological subjects (and for that matter, any subject). I have a love-hate relationship with debating. I love it for the mental exercise it gives, but hate it because it can be so divisive and emotional, not to mention I don't like being wrong. Sadly, I (and probably most humans) have a tendency to build a good part of my self-worth based on how I think I am being perceived by others and I feel it necessary to "help" that perception by coming across as "smart" and "right". That being said, I don't think the author of the book (Ryrie) wrote it because of this.

Let me say, to the disagreement of some, that I agree with the material presented in the book. But, and here is the question I have been pondering for some time now: to what end? What does this subject add or subtract to my life practically? It changes nothing of my belief in the person and work of Jesus Christ. It changes nothing in how I am to relate to fellow believers. I was tired after reading the book, not because it challenged me mentally, but because it was so nit-picky.

This question (To what end?) has been very convicting to me because it has provided a good look at how much time I waste, in the words of Christ, "straining out the knat but swallowing the camel." (Matt. 23:24) Jesus said this in context of condemning the religious leaders of His day, who focused on the letter of the law, to the neglect of "the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness." (Matt. 23:23)

Thus, I follow this with another question to myself: what is my purpose of going to DTS? If I am not growing in my relationship with Jesus Christ and in loving His people through this experience, then it profits me nothing (1 Cor. 13:2). If it serves to give me more material to buttress my position with and finer strands of hair to split, it is wasting my time. This is not to say the study of Scripture is pointless. I love how Vincent Van Gogh put it: "You read books to borrow therefrom the force to stimulate your activity… but I read books searching for the man who has written them." In my reading and studying the Bible, am I searching for the God who wrote it? Are you?

Dad

2008-01-02T11:08:00.001-06:00

I met my dad for lunch on Monday. This was the first time I have seen him in seven years. No, that is not a typo. Seven years.

My thoughts and feelings towards it are different from what I expected. I had built this up for so long in my head that I suppose the idea of meeting him contributed to being an obstacle to actually meeting him. Reality is quite different from what is envisioned and I continue to learn this truth the longer I live. In other words, what I think versus what is, which therefore requires me to change my thinking to conform with what is real!

I don't regret the time it has taken to be at this place. If anything, it is another sign that healing has taken place and I praise God for this work in my life. I will say, that use of the word 'never' is not really a good idea, because God specializes in making the never happen.

One of my biggest questions now is: where do I go from here?

Peer-Reviewed Research

2007-12-28T09:57:00.000-06:00

This article on peer-reviewed research methods caught my eye. This quote from the article sums up the subjectivity of the claim to validity based on a "peer-reviewed" status:

Couldn't a group of individuals committed to promoting their own research -- which may or may not be well-founded -- get together to form their own "journal," which they could legitimately claim publishes "peer-reviewed research"?

They can, and they do.

Chesterton

2007-12-13T15:19:00.001-06:00

I love this quote:

But the new rebel is a skeptic, and will not entirely trust anything. He has no loyalty; therefore he can never be really a revolutionist. And the fact that he doubts everything really gets in his way when he wants to denounce anything. For all denunciation implies a moral doctrine of some kind; and the modern revolutionist doubts not only the institution he denounces, but the doctrine by which he denounces it. Thus he writes one book complaining that imperial oppression insults the purity of women, and then he writes another book in which he insults it himself. He curses the Sultan because Christian girls lose their virginity, and then curses Mrs. Grundy because they keep it. As a politician, he will cry out that war is a waste of life, and then, as a philosopher, that all life is waste of time. A Russian pessimist will denounce a policeman for killing a peasant, and then prove by the highest philosophical principles that the peasant ought to have killed himself. A man denounces marriage as a lie, and then denounces aristocratic profligates for treating it as a lie. He calls a flag a bauble, and then blames the oppressors of Poland or Ireland because they take away that bauble. The man of this school goes first to a political meeting, where he complains that savages are treated as if they were beasts; then he takes his hat and umbrella and goes on to a scientific meeting, where he proves that they practically are beasts. In short, the modern revolutionist, being an infinite skeptic, is always engaged in undermining his own mines. In his book on politics he attacks men for trampling on morality; in his book on ethics he attacks morality for trampling on men. Therefore the modern man in revolt has become practically useless for all purposes of revolt. By rebelling against everything he has lost his right to rebel against anything. (from G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy)

Credit Bail Out

2007-12-07T13:28:00.000-06:00

I agree with writer of this article. I will go further and say that it is not the job of the government to save people when they make poor decisions. Actions have consequences. Sometimes those consequences are not pleasant. But that is part of life. This attitude that the government will/should take care of me is simply wrong. You are responsible for your own life. Be responsible!

Discernment

2007-12-06T16:39:00.000-06:00

Discerning what is true can be very difficult at times. I have so many "voices" that speak when I think about my wants, needs, or desires. There are many sources of these "voices": fear, pride, masks, false selves, lies, wounds, selfishness, and the "real self". How does one discern which voice is "real"? How do I cut through all the lies, masks, falsehood, and sin and discover the "truth"? I do not mean that I am searching for some truth that applies to everyone, but finding what is really true about what I want or need. This is not an easy thing.

I am not an expert on this and in fact struggle greatly with finding my real wants and needs. I tend to overanalyze everything and in doing so, the "voices" are all clamoring to be heard and acted upon. I want to think about some practical ways that I can go about filtering through these voices to find the real me.

Pray

Ask for the Holy Spirit to guide me in discerning what is true and what is false. Ask for wisdom and strength as I dig through and sift through the voices to find what is true.

Identify what is false

What do I know is false? What have I in the past identified as false? Statements that are or have been identified as false can be discarded. In order to do so, it is helpful to create rational responses that can quickly address the falsehood. For example, there is a statement that frequently speaks that says, "You don't like to travel." My response is: "I don't like certain aspects about travel, but it does not mean I don't like the entire thing."

Talk to others

There is nothing like talking to someone else to get their point of view. So many times I find I am blind and can't see from a different angle and an outside point of view is so helpful for me to discover what I am searching for. This person is one that I trust completely and is familiar with my situation or struggle.

Write it down

Sometimes there are so many different voices that it is helpful to write it all out. I have been shocked to actually see in writing what my mind was thinking. Many times the lies and falsehood are very evident when they are seen (when brought to sunlight).

Carefully ask questions

I have learned through therapy that when trying to identify what I want or need, I ask the voices questions and keep asking to discover their source. Is the voice speaking from who I am or is it a mask? Is it what I really want, or is it only a wounded cry? In my travel example, I might ask: "Why do you make the statement you do not like travel?", "What aspects of travel do you like, if any?", "What travel experiences have been positive for you?", "Do you really dislike travel, or is there something else here -- a mask or false self that is presenting itself?", "When did your travel 'preference' change?"

Act

This is my least favorite. How can I act until I am sure? I am discovering that sometimes, I have to act on what I know now, so that I can have the new perspective on the other side of the action. I've struggled greatly with decisions before, some especially very recent, and it hasn't been until I've been on the other side that I was able to see what I could not see.

Light and Darkness

2007-12-06T16:15:00.000-06:00

I have a quote by C.S. Lewis on my wall at home that says:

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

John writes in 1:4 that "In Christ was life and the life was the light of men." The picture I would like for you to imagine is that of a man (or woman) walking around without any light. How is this person going to know where he or she is going? How can they give directions to other people who exist in the darkness too? How is this person going to understand what certain objects look like if they have never seen before? This is the state of an individual before Christ enters his or her life.

"The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness does not understand it." (John 1:5) I forget the following all the time: How can a non-Christian person be expected to live like a Christian? How can someone who exists in darkness be expected to see anything? I can point out all day long what I see, but without the light of Christ in the other person's life, they simply won't be able to see it.

Now, this on the surface seems very arrogant, but please understand this next point. Your world view will determine not only what you see but how you see it. Let's go back to our darkness example and pretend there is a lion in the room. Our person finds this lion and thinks it is a soft, warm animal. But if the light is turned on, the person might find the lion preparing for dinner! What was thought to be safe and good is now perceived to be dangerous! This is true for any world view, be it Christianity, humanism, evolution, etc. And don't misunderstand: Christianity is not just a religion. A relationship with Jesus Christ will change everything!

I do believe that the analogy Lewis suggests above is exactly correct and I have found that to be so in my life. There have been many things that before coming to Christ didn't make a whole lot of sense, but now that I am in a relationship with Him, I can see what I missed before. Until given sight, I wasn't able to see. Not that life with Christ makes everything clear -- there are still a great many things I don't understand, nor do I think I will understand. What I have found is that sometimes understanding is not what is important, but simply loving. I suspect many husbands would tell you they have found this to be true with their wives -- they don't understand them, but it doesn't matter, they love them. I think Lewis talks about this in Mere Christianity.

A person living in darkness may have decided to wear armor because of the bumps, scrapes, and pain that has been experienced without light. And this person may think someone crazy who comes up and says the armor isn't needed! Of course it's crazy -- if you can't see anything. But when light fills your world, when you are given sight, what a difference it makes!

Thus, and this is more for me than anyone else, I need to remember what darkness was like. I need to remember my former state and consider the impossibility of expecting a blind person to see. Unless Christ turns the light on in their heart, they won't. Screaming at them (figuratively or literally), trying to stop them, trying to explain things to them simply won't work. It is Christ, the light of men, who gives life and makes a blind man see.

Enchanted

2007-12-03T15:28:00.000-06:00

I saw the movie Enchanted twice this weekend. Yes, it was that good! Fantastic movie! I highly recommend going to see it. I think it will be up for several nominations, including film score, screenplay, and perhaps actress.

One thing that I noticed was how innocent fairy tales are. It made me wonder what exactly the fairy tale women do on the night of their marriage to Prince Charming. I mean, the entire romantic ideal is leading up to this perfect kiss and dance. And let me tell you, there's a whole lot more than that going to happen on the wedding night! The thought made me laugh. Can you imagine how shocked Cinderella and Snow White were? Happily ever after might just be preceded by "You want me to WHAT?!"

Grace

2007-11-30T16:33:00.000-06:00

This one little word represents an immense struggle in my life. I was thinking this morning that if I just understood grace, then I wouldn't be so hard on myself. Then I realized: the very definition of grace excludes understanding it! Grace is unmerited (unearned) favor. It is a good gift that I don't deserve. It is forgiveness in the midst of law and my violation of it.

The older I get, the more I see that my struggle with giving to and receiving grace from others is rooted in the lack of grace I give myself. And the lack of grace I give myself comes from my fear of losing control. Grace is very control-free. It is very unnerving to realize that my entire standing before God is completely because of Him and nothing that I have done, am doing, or will ever do. By fully accepting God's grace, I am essentially acknowledging my helpless state!

Now, theologically I believe in God's grace and the reality that it is undeserved. But it does seem that there is a disconnect between my mind and heart. For example, I think about how I am not a loving person. Then I start getting onto myself about not being as loving as I want to be. Then I start thinking about what I need to do in order to become more loving. And then I get discouraged because it seems overwhelming. And then I get frustrated because I am not loving, I want to be loving, but it seems impossible. And I keep trying to figure things out, figure out what I need to do, think, say, etc. in order to be what I want to be.

Where am I going with this? I don't know. I think this goes back to an earlier post where I felt God was telling me to "Be still and know He is God." I am not a standard for myself and maybe what He wants from me is the surrender of this standard of measure by which I measure myself (and others). He wants me to accept His Word about who I am in Him, regardless of what I think or feel about myself. And, He wants me to accept the fact that I won't be able to understand why He gives grace, or how deep His grace is, or how He is going to change me, or the million other questions I keep trying to solve. I'm the patient who keeps trying to tell the doctor what to do.

Cohabitation

2007-11-27T13:32:00.000-06:00

Another interesting article, this one about cohabitation.

Couples who move in together before marriage have up to two times the odds of divorce, as compared with couples who marry before living together. Moreover, married couples who have lived together before exchanging vows tend to have poorer-quality marriages than couples who moved in after the wedding. Those who cohabited first report less satisfaction, more arguing, poorer communication and lower levels of commitment.

Hard Work

2007-11-26T16:12:00.000-06:00

I really enjoyed this post. From the article:

You may think this is harsh, but it's not. Hard work is the single most important thing you can learn in life besides devotion to spouse and parents. One reason people become failures and/or criminals is because they never learned to work.

People who develop the habit of hard work don't become bums or drug addicts, and don't wind up in middle age with suicidal self-loathing. "Work, generally speaking, is the single best cure for any malady of soul or mind," said the greatest thinker in English history, Samuel Johnson. (I'm paraphrasing here. The exact quote is slightly different.) Work elevates the spirit, disciplines the mind, conveys self worth -- redeems life itself.

A Thief of Joy

2007-11-19T12:04:00.000-06:00

Fear is a thief of joy. I continue to see this almost every day. Not only does it take away the enjoyment of today, but it robs you of the anticipation of tomorrow and the satisfaction of yesterday.

I've been thinking about this specifically in relation to the retreat I came back from this weekend. Leading up to the retreat, I wasn't very excited about going. I invented scenarios in my head and had gone down the road mentally of several "what ifs". So I wasn't very excited about going; if anything, I just wanted to get it over with. Now that I am back, I can look at the worries I had before going and I see that almost all of them were unnecessary. I wasted a great amount of mental energy and allowed worry and fear to steal my joy.

This applies to a great many areas in my life. One of the big areas I feel like Christ is growing me in is this area of trust and releasing fears. One of the fruits of the Spirit is joy! Without joy, life is no longer life--it turns into a repetitive emotionless search for meaning.

Choosing not to worry is not easy at all. But aren't all good things in life worth fighting for? Is not joy worth fighting for? Even the joy on the other side of difficulty, such as Christ enduring the cross for the joy set before Him, in Heb. 12:2. Don't let fear steal your joy!

Manhood and Outdoor Activities

2007-11-19T11:24:00.000-06:00

John Eldredge in his books strongly argues that outdoor activities are a necessary part of manhood. I want to add a word of caution to this belief because I think it is easy to misinterpret his argument and take it to an extreme.

Outdoor activities do not prove oneself as a man. They help build confidence, allow a man to exercise his strength, and can be helpful in confirming what is already true, but do not make one a man. If I measure myself as a man by the success of these activities, then any failure in doing them will result in me questioning my manhood! Suppose I decide to play baseball and discover that I am not good at it. If I measure myself as a man based on how I play baseball, I will believe that I am a failure as a man (this can be applied to anything: rock climbing, cycling, etc.).

Is it any surprise that men get so angry at times when they feel they are failing? Part of the problem may be that men believe this lie that says I must succeed at this in order to be a man. We are constantly trying to prove our manhood and when we fail, we get angry and underneath this anger is the fear that we aren't really men.

Am I defined as a man by my successes or failures or am I defined as a man by my God? Do I accept the definition of manhood that the world gives based on the sports and athleticism? Do I focus on whether I feel like a man today (which is as inconsistent as the weather) or my standing and place before Christ? Is a "real" man never afraid, never weak, never uncertain?

It is worth paying careful attention to why activities are done. Do you feel angry if you aren't doing well? Go there - why are you feeling angry? What unfinished place inside of you is the fear speaking from? Are you believing a lie that defines your manhood by your success at this activity? Ask Christ to show you who you are in Him.

Marriage and a Ropes Course

2007-11-19T09:02:00.000-06:00

I have previously had an opinion that an ironclad commitment in marriage is unrealistic, because either party can change, and the change could be for the worse. The idea of staying married no matter what seemed a little extreme. What about abuse, affairs, or giving up? I have been told by a married friend of mine that it wouldn't matter. Really? I didn't believe him, mainly because I see my humanity and feel that at some point in a bad marriage, I'd be done. (Now, his belief is that it wouldn't stay bad if you keep trying.)

This weekend I did a ropes course and was very surprised by what I experienced in doing it. Before doing it, I wasn't sure I could do it. I didn't know about finishing. I set my goal to be at least make it through the first part of it. Here was the shock. When I set foot on the course, something clicked in my head and there was no going back. I was going to finish. There was no question about it. Something inside of me knew I could and would finish. There were a couple of things I have never tried in my life, that I've been deathly afraid of, and something inside of me did not allow any hesitation. It was a feeling that I had made a decision and I was going to follow through with it, no matter what fears or difficulty I faced. I was securely fastened and I would be fine.

How does this relate to marriage? I feel the idea of marriage is very intimidating... it is for life! But experiencing the ropes course over the weekend made me realize that when the decision is made, something inside of the brain changes and there is a commitment to the decision that could almost be described as irrational! Perhaps this is one of the part that love plays in a relationship--it causes us to do things that normally our brain would determine as irrational (not that I am suggesting to abandon yourself to emotions and ignore your mind; there is room for wisdom and making smart choices).

The presence of Christ in my life as my Lord is the truth of being securely fastened in the course--that even if I fall, He will catch me, pick me up, and set me back on the course. As I navigate through life, in the experiences of a relationship, work, marriage, friendships, or school, He is the harness around my waist, the rope that fastens to me, and the anchor that keeps me safe.

David's Praise

2007-11-16T16:22:00.000-06:00

I read this morning a verse in Psalm 34:4, 7-8:

I sought the LORD, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears... The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them. O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

This passage gives me great comfort. David is testifying that God came through for Him and promises that He will come through for me.

Be Still

2007-11-09T10:04:00.001-06:00

Cease striving and know that I am God. (Psalm 46.10a, also translated Be still and know that I am God)

I was riding on the bike this morning and was thinking about what I needed to do, what I wanted to do, and what I was afraid to do. I was mentally making a list of all the things I dislike about myself that I wanted to work on. It started to become very overwhelming and this verse came to mind. It is a difficult verse for a type-A, super-achiever, perfectionist to understand. You want me to do what!?!? Or better, you want me to stop doing?!? If anything, my natural reaction is to try harder, to do more, to try to find "the fix". I keep endlessly searching for who I am, which as helpful as that might be, who I am will still be a dead end in the end. Don't get me wrong -- I am all for deep soul-searching and seeking to know one's past so as to understand its impact on the present and future. But I keep getting caught up in the circular reference of self.

Maybe what God desires of me is less of me striving and more of me listening to Him. When Mary and Martha had Christ over for dinner, Martha was busy preparing the food while Mary was sitting at the feet of Christ hanging on His every word. Martha was mad at her and told Christ to make Mary get up and help her. Christ's response was, "Martha, Martha [Joshua, Joshua], you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41) It is hard for a Martha to simply sit and listen. It doesn't feel like I am doing anything! But isn't that the point: it's not about what I am doing, but what He is doing! This is hard for me to swallow. And yet somewhere, deep inside my soul, there is a shout of joy. After all, my list is overwhelming.

In my typical type-A fashion, I start to but what about my... "But what about getting myself to a place where I can be a good husband, father, employee, family member, friend? But what about my fear? But what about my selfishness? But what about my..."

But what about God?

So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. (Is. 55:11)
But he [Christ] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)
Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (Is. 41:10)
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth Does not become weary or tired His understanding is inscrutable. (Is. 40:28)

Just a few verses, of the hundreds, if not thousands, that can be listed describing God. Perhaps my perceived limitations and insurmountable obstacles are just that because I am looking at me, buying into the lie that I have to figure this out all on my own. I'm like a dog who has a thorn in his paw: I'm kicking and screaming as my master is trying to get me to be still so he can pull it out. Maybe my master wants me to be still because he wants to love on me.

Cease striving and know that I am God.

Hillary Clinton

2007-10-31T12:30:00.001-06:00

Yet another reason to be wary of Hillary Clinton.

East to West

2007-10-31T09:52:00.001-06:00

Casting Crowns has a new CD out and their song East to West is amazing:

East To West - Casting Crowns

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning, in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me, I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you've cast my sin as far as the East is from the West
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Chorus:
Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west
'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white
Turn my darkness into life
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You
But You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been rising up in me again
In your arms of Your mercy I find rest
cause You know how far the east is from the west
from one scarred hand to the other

I have highlighted some of the words that really stick out to me. My greatest fear is to become like my dad, a man overwhelmed by fear. This song speaks very deeply to my heart about the change and hope that is in Jesus Christ.

Seneca

2007-10-31T08:17:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite philosophers is Seneca. I read one of his quotes today that said:

No man was ever wise by chance.

I have said before that fear is the thief of joy. Well, he agrees (or rather, said it first):

Where fear is, happiness is not.

Stupid

2007-10-29T10:52:00.000-06:00

Well, I noted a couple of weeks ago that Apple needs to get its act together on allowing the consumer to do what they want with what they buy. And yet, here they go, continuing their stupidity.

Article

2007-10-26T11:43:00.001-06:00

I thought this was a good article that Pastor Andy sent out today, especially the following quote:

Nietzsche argued that since the Christian God is the foundation of Western values, the death of God must necessarily mean the erosion and ultimate collapse of those values. Remove the base and the whole building will slowly crumble. For a while, Nietzsche conceded, people would out of custom or habit continue to respect human life and treat people with equal dignity, but eventually there would be ferocious assaults on these values, and practices once unthinkable such as the killing of people deemed inferior or undesirable would once again occur. This is precisely what we have seen in our time, and Nietzsche predicted that it will only get worse.

http://blogs.usatoday.com/oped/2007/10/a-christian-fou.html

Discerning Truth

2007-10-19T09:31:00.000-06:00

A few days ago I noted that I wanted to post on discerning truth. This topic has been bothering me for a while, and I wanted to share my frustration and thoughts about it.

When I say discerning truth, I mean determining what is true and what is not. We live in an information age, and we are bombarded daily with expert after expert making statements that make the truth claim. And yet with all of these can't be true at the same time, because many of them contradict each other. We have studies that suggest that gender is physical and others that suggest that gender is sociological. Which is right? Is it reasonable to expect that one of the choices must be right?

It seems to me that one needs to develop a great ability to accept change, because what is believed to be true today may not be tomorrow. At one time, the earth was thought to be the center of the solar system; now, the sun is believed to be the center. As scientific discoveries are made, some things are proven to be true, others are proven false, and still others are shown to be partially true or false.

In addition to further discoveries, this is great disagreement on what is accepted at true. One cannot prove or disprove evolution or creation. This statement might be met with much disagreement, but we simply do not have proven evidence that proves one or the other (by this I mean a definite repeatable experiment that shows that chance changed the actual species of a living organism, or that God created the world). And so great arguments arise because (at least in my view) people are arguing on different foundations. If I accept studies X, Y, and Z as true, and you accept studies A, B, and C as true, and neither of us agree with the other's accepted studies, an honest discussion is pointless, aside from debating for the fun of it.

So much of what we accept as truth is really theory, perhaps very good theory, but ultimately theory. And the basis for truth seems to change constantly because different people and groups have different standards for deciding that something is true. For example, after reading a book on the female brain, the author convinced me that gender is genetic, because I define it as a physical thing. But my basis is the sperm's chromosomes and the testosterone explosion that happens in the sixth week of gestation. Another person may define gender in terms of non-physical attributes, such as mental attitudes or leanings. Thus, an argument over gender is rather useless until some sort of common ground can be reached on what will be accepted as true.

Thus, I am left feeling very frustrated, because how is one to have an open, honest discussion? You come from your point of view and I come from mine. Until we each understand where the other is coming from and what basis the other person is coming from, what you certainly won't have is good discussion.

One final thought and I am done. It is a silly thing for Christians to demand that non-believers accept the Bible as the basis for truth. It isn't productive to begin at that place. It's like trying to sail a ship on land.

Apple and iPhone

2007-10-15T08:45:00.000-06:00

Yet another example of a company trying to control and lock down its consumers, to it's own hurt. In the technology industry, you don't lock down anything, unless you want a bunch of pissed off consumers. Apple needs to quit trying to prevent nerds from being nerds and embrace an open source concept that encourages innovation.

Oh the hypocrisy

2007-10-15T08:26:00.000-06:00

So Al Gore won a Nobel for his environmental crap. And yet, as this article points out, his actions don't match his words.

It is my opinion that the environmental movement is ultimately about control, not about what is really true. This brings up another point which I hope to post in very soon, which is about discerning truth.

MP3 Music Downloads

2007-09-26T08:17:00.000-06:00

Amazon has opened its DRM-free music store! You may download music from its store that is not copy protected, and it is in 256 kbps! Here is what Amazon says:

* Selection: Every day we add new music to our collection of over 2 million songs from independent and major label artists. We're continually working with music labels to offer more and more content in the MP3 format.
* Quality: Our MP3 tracks are encoded at 256 kbps, which gives you high-quality audio at a reasonable file size. This means your music sounds great and downloads quickly.
* Freedom: Because we sell MP3 files with absolutely no rights management software, you're free to listen to your music on any device you'd like.
* Value: Amazon MP3 offers high-quality DRM-free downloads at low prices. Find full albums as low as $4.99 and tracks as low as 89 cents.

Visit amazon.com.

I am an idiot

2007-09-05T12:23:00.001-06:00

I was reading my brother's blog and he made a statement that caught my attention. In reference to what my dad taught us as children, he said: "I am a [huge] idiot for ever believing in all that [trash]." This is a statement I have made before, so I understand where he is coming from. I want to walk through some of the things I have learned through my healing process. Perhaps it will be beneficial to others.

In her excellent book, Becoming Real, Dr. Saltz argues that our childhood stories hold us back from becoming real, authentic, adult individuals. We create our childhood stories in order to survive and harmonize what we experience as we grow up. Let me give you an example:

A father regularly tells his daughter to shut up when he is home.
The daughter thinks: there something wrong with me. Here is where our childhood state limits us. We can't blame our parents because we need them. It is a terrifying thing for a child to imagine that a parent is wrong (where else will the child go?). In fact, we almost never do. Please understand that as you read this, you can see that the father is being an ass. But a child rarely will be able to see such a thing.
Therefore, if the parent is not to blame, then the fault is: me. I am at fault, I am the problem, I am the issue. In the example of the daughter, she will feel that my opinion and words don't matter because I am not important and there is something wrong with me. I am worthless and don't have any value and that is why daddy doesn't want me to talk. It is easy to see this as faulty logic as an adult, but a child does not have such mental competence.
The daughter will now grow up believing this, even as an adult, and will act in a manner consistent with the "story" (I am not worth being heard) she created as a child.

One of the purposes of counseling is to find such false stories and "re-tell" them in a manner that is true. In the process, one goes through a few stages that can be terrifying, uncomfortable, and painful. These are stages that I have been through and continue to go through as I discover stories, discover the deeper impact of already-discovered stories, and accept the truth of the newly re-told stories. These stages are not comprehensive or guaranteed to occur in the order listed.

Stage 1: I am not worth being heard because there is something wrong with me.
Stage 2: My parents were idiots and morons and I hate them. (we have identified that the fault is the dad's, not ours and then we switch our anger)
Stage 3: My parents are imperfect and probably have stories of their own they never dealt with.

Stage 1

We must identify the story and the source of the story -- why do I think this way? What was communicated to me, verbally or non-verbally, in my childhood? Who communicated it to me? What happened that caused it to be communicated to me? What am I believing about myself that may not be true? I identify the story, "Something is wrong with me", and then I identify the story's source, "Dad wouldn't listen to me." Once we have identified both, we can then check our conclusion. Just because dad wouldn't listen to me doesn't mean something is wrong with me. Maybe something is wrong with him ! And so we move to...

Stage 2

The years of anger and frustration we have aimed at ourselves comes boiling out at the people who have hurt us. All this time we have felt the fault is ours. We have discovered we were lied too, or treated horribly. The appropriate anger over this is felt and finally directed (sometimes verbally) at the culprit (and not us). Instead of feeling self-loathing, the daughter now feels anger and hurt from the words spoken to her by her dad. She is angry at him because of how he treated her as a child, and for just cause! I have said before that wounds must be felt before they can be healed. This is a very necessary and important part of the healing process. The caution here is when and if to express this to the parent. The daughter may decide not to discuss this with her dad, either because he is unavailable, or would not be receptive. What matters is that she finally identifies the person who was wrong and charges them with the wrong (by "charge" I mean ascribing fault), instead of believing that she was wrong.

Many, if not most, people get stuck before stage 1 or somewhere in stage 2. Either I am angry at myself and don't know why (or I know why and don't care), or I am angry with my parents, and stop there. It is scary to actually move beyond the wounded state and into healing. After all, a broken leg might get me more attention or care than if it were fine. I'd actually have to run the race of life a little faster if this leg were healed.

Stage 3

After accepting the story is false and feeling the anger and hurt towards the people responsible, we are then at a place where we can chose to accept the parent with their mistakes. You cannot skip from "the problem is with me" to this stage -- feeling the hurt and anger is essential to healing. Just as healing is personal, so are the decisions once the story is re-told. In my own life, I have chosen not to have contact with my dad, because he continues his destructive habits towards others. At some point, when I start to understand that I actually have value , it makes me a lot less likely to accept or even be around those who would try to deny it. But that is my choice. It is an extreme one, and likely not one you would have to make. What is important is to create boundaries in your life that are consistent with the new, truthful story. The daughter might think, " I am a person of worth and therefore what I have to say is worth hearing. Therefore, if I am interrupted or told to shut up by my dad in the future, I will gently, but firmly confront him and tell him that I am not finished or I want to talk (or arrange for a better time to talk when he will listen). If he does not respect this stance, then I will not talk to him." Our new boundaries will be met with resistance, both by ourselves and others. Our false story will keep trying to reassert itself and we will regularly have to keep reminding ourselves of its falsehood. And other people may have been spoiled to the "door mat" that we were for them that we will no longer be for them.

This is healing. This is when the person has reached a place of maturity, when a wound has been recognized, felt, and healed. This is when an adult acts as an adult, out of genuine wishes, desires, and choices, instead of wounds, false stories, and a battered self image.

Additional Thoughts

I want to emphasize again that the stages I have listed are not complete nor are they necessary in order. Healing is unique to the individual, and your healing will take a very personal route that is specific to you. The main emphasis of this post is that you are a person of value, and if you do not believe that to be true, you are acting and believing a story that is not true . It is worth identifying and seeking healing from such stories so you can live a whole life.

HDTV

2007-08-27T09:51:00.000-06:00

I did not realize there was a deadline:

Congress passed a law on February 1, 2006, setting a final deadline for the DTV transition of February 17, 2009. Most television stations will continue broadcasting both analog and digital programming until February 17, 2009, when all analog broadcasting will stop. Analog TVs receiving over-the-air programming will still work after that date, but owners of these TVs will need to buy converter boxes to change digital broadcasts into analog format. Converter boxes will be available from consumer electronic products retailers at that time. Cable and satellite subscribers with analog TVs should contact their service providers about obtaining converter boxes for the DTV transition.

Interesting

2007-08-27T08:21:00.000-06:00

I found this post to be very interesting. It is a good warning for the upcoming elections next year.

Bush Bail Out?

2007-08-23T14:43:00.000-06:00

This is crap.

Famed bond fund manager Bill Gross said the White House should bail out the millions of American homeowners who face the dreaded prospect of foreclosure this year.

What is true is that millions of American homeowners' eyes were too big for their wallets and now they can't afford their mortgages. It is not the job of the president, Fed, or anyone for that matter to rescue people from stupidity and greed. And how would the White House bail the millions of homeowners out? With tax dollars, paid for by you and me. So in reality, if this were to happen, you and I would pay for the mortgages of other people who bought more than they could afford.

Flying

2007-08-17T10:09:00.000-06:00

"A categorical refusal to fly often stems from a fundamental belief about life: the idea that "I need safety at all costs." We take a perfectly valid and functional belief, "I want to be safe," and escalate it into an unreasonable demand, "I need an absolute ironclad guarantee of safety." The trouble with this demand is that it causes you to misperceive the odds."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20070709-000001.html

Fear Cells

2007-07-16T16:01:00.001-06:00

I am very pleased to read of this discovery:

http://pressesc.com/01184528191_cure_for_fear

Needs of Men versus Women

2007-07-05T15:36:00.000-06:00

In his excellent book, His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Harley details the top five needs of men and women. The needs below are generally true of men and women, though it is possible to have any of the needs below, or even one not listed.

5 Major Needs of Women:

Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness, Financial Support, Family Commitment

5 Major Needs of Men:

Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Physical Attractiveness, Admiration, Domestic Support

Motivation

2007-07-05T10:52:00.000-06:00

My therapist asks a question frequently that is finally starting to sink in to my brain. When I am evaluating a choice or action I might make, what is the motivation of my heart? This question can apply to all decisions. And is it uncomfortable! I was reminded of this just now as I thought about something as simple as an email. What is the motivation of my heart in... saying this, doing this, writing this, not saying, doing, or writing this (whatever "this" may be)?